30. MY PROMISE TO YOU | I made a promise to my son a few years ago to live my life to the fullest in honour of him. I have succeeded and failed at that promise many time but what matters most is that it has helped me to hold onto love when there is only darkness and to always try my best to make him proud of me. What promise would you like to make to your child?
My promise I make to Kayla is to never ever let her be forgotten. It's hard sometimes, you get the feeling that no matter how valid your thoughts and feelings are, people just sometime get sick of hearing about your dead kid. I try not to let that get me down, just as everyone else has a right to talk about their living children, I shouldn't have to miss out on that just because one of my kids isn't here. I may not do it all the time, but I will never stop talking about her, no matter who gets tired of hearing about it, and no matter how many people think I shouldn't.
She will always be a part of our family. She will always be included in things. I've said before that we hang a Christmas stocking for her every year, we shop for her for gifts (and donate in her name) and Emily and I just got done making ornaments for the tree and Kayla has one with her name on it just like the rest of us do.
I will never stop calling attention to her birthday, I will never let a birthday go by without acknowledging it or telling the world that today is my daughter's birthday. She may be gone, but I will keep her memory alive. I will teach Emily about her big sister and she will always have a presence in our home.
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