I have no idea why, but today really sucks. Today isn't anything signifigant, nothing really happened to set me off, but ever since I got to work today I have to keep running to the bathroom to cry. So far nobody has noticed my red rimmed eyes, or at least they pretend not to, I'm not sure which. I haven't really talked to anyone today, but the few times people said something to me in passing, I had to go back to my desk and hold back the tears. Hopefully nobody notices and actually says something nice because there will be no way I can hold back that floodgate.
I dreamed that I was 9 months pregnant last night and I was due any day. But it was a weird dream, so I didn't really wake up feeling sad. I was in this huge room with a ton of other pregnant women, it was like we were being coralled until it was time to go to labor and delivery.
My OPK was still negative this morning, but I got CHs this morning for Monday, CD12. Oing earlier and missing the FW is better than not Oing at all, but I am still hoping it's wrong and that I have still yet to O so we can have a chance. The spike is pretty significant, but I don't remember having any O pains, and I did crack and take an OPK Saturday night and Sunday night. It seems like if I did really O on Monday, then at least Saturdays OPK should have been positive. But if I did O on CD12, then it's a pretty wonky cycle, so I guess maybe I could have had a shorter surge so by the time I took the OPK Saturday night, it was already over....and I'm sure O pains aren't always felt; especially since I wasn't paying attention for them.
Maybe my mood is from going off the zoloft. I almost instantly felt pretty numb emotionally when I first started them, so it makes sense that when I go off I'd be more emotional. I wish I could stay on them, but I guess being more upset is worth the peace of mind of not being on them once I get pregnant again.
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