I have to back up again, despite pushing back my due date a few weeks ago, I thought I heard correctly that I was 13 weeks exactly at my last appointment, putting me at 14 wks 6 days today. But today my doctor said 14 4, so that's what I am going to go with, and a due date of March 22nd. It gets too confusing to keep two sets of numbers in my head.
So I saw the dietician today and she gave me a refresher, and gave me a few tips for what I might be doing wrong. So I went grocery shopping, got a ton of stuff to make healthy snacks and meals, felt very optimistic. I made what I know for a fact was the correct portion of carbs for dinner, tested my bloodsugar two hours later and.....130. WTF? I was totally expecting an excellent reading of 110 or 115, not 10 points above the max.
I'm so sick of this shit. So my doctor said if my numbers don't improve by next appt, I go on insulin. Whatever, that's fine. With Kayla going on insulin sounded like the worst thing in the world, I felt that I would be such a failure if I had to do that, especially earlier than third tri. But fuck it, I'm trying, I really am. This past weekend was bad because I had to take it easy after my surgery and we didn't really have much food in the house, and then we took a quick road trip Saturday and Sunday. But the two weeks prior I really really stuck to my diet and ate what I thought was right and my numbers still sucked, now tonight's reading was bad after what I know was a good dinner.
I'd only be a failure if I just didn't try, but I really did. Maybe needing to go on insulin would be for the best so maybe obsessing over my diet could be one less stress I need to deal with. I don't know how it works with insulin, obviously I would still have to follow the diet and probably up my carb intake a little, but I'm assuming the insulin would be doing most of the work of keeping my levels regulated and keep Boo safe. It really freaks me out to think of giving myself a shot. My grandpa was insulin dependent for 30 years and as a kid I remember watching him pinch his tummy fat to give himself his shot, and it always icked me out.
So I saw the doctor I love today. My high risk doctor is growing on me; but she still makes me uncomfortable when she just stares at me after we're done talking. My doctor today is the one that delivered Kayla and I just love her. She was there in one of the absolute worst times of my life, and I was so thankful to have a familiar face when I found out it was her that was on call and would be attending. So she checked my stitches and said my cervix was good. My bi-monthly cervical measurements start in two weeks. And I scheduled my anatomy scan for two weeks after that; I'm so excited to see Boo again, and pray everything is ok. I can't wait to find out if Boo is a boy or a girl. It feels more real once you hear the HB and see the baby a few times, but once you know the sex, and can give it a name, everything changes.
I asked if I could be seen weekly starting at about 20 weeks until maybe 24 weeks. I am sure the doctors know what they're doing by setting the measurements by-weekly, but as we creep closer to 22 weeks, I know I will be terrified and need that extra assurance that everything is ok, so the more I can go the better, and my doctor was fine with it.
I sort of announced at work today. I told four friends, in addition to the two that already know. I changed my wallpaper on my computer to an ultrasound pic, and I'm going to start wearing my more obvious maternity clothes, so hopefully the people I told can start spreading it through the grapevine, and the others can figure it out. The people I told were great, they were very happy for me and my one friend said she would pray for us because she knows I'm facing the same issue as with Kayla. However I did not specifically tell any of the people that I suspect might say something stupid, so we'll see in the coming weeks how that goes.
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