I had a dream last night that I gave birth now, at 12 weeks.....except she (it was a girl) was perfectly fine and she was full term somehow. In my dream they kept referring to the whole thing as a miracle from God. I gave birth at home, so we had to get her to the hospital to make sure she was ok, and that part was scary because being born at 12 weeks (as if that could happen) meant she may not make it, so I kept checking to make sure she was ok. But once we were at the hospital and the doctors said she was fine, it was an amazing dream because I was just holding her and nursing....and of course we had nothing ready so I sent my husband out to buy the essentials.
It was one of those dreams where I woke up briefly a few times but was enjoying the dream so much that when I went back to sleep I was able to pick it up again. So now I have no clue what Boo is....I've had a boy dream and a girl dream. But I have to say, after the one last night, I know deep down I am aching for a little girl. I feel bad saying that, because of course I would love a son with all my heart, but when I look online for nursery decor, I look for girl stuff, when I picture Boo being here, I picture a girl. Granted I am sure some of that is just due to being used to expecting a girl.
But having a girl scares me a little. I already struggle with worried of replacing Kayla with Boo, and hoping Kayla understands that she'll always be in our hearts and she'll always be our first born. So if we have another girl, I worry that will fill the void....especially if she looks like Kayla. I'm having a hard time tonight, I miss my baby girl so much. I've just been staring at her picture for the last few days, I just cannot stop looking at it.
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