I was feeling so good yesterday and very confident in my doctor's assesment of bed rest. But today I feel like the wind has been let out of my sails. It's not that I distrust her enough to even think about finding a new doctor, but I'm just not as sure today that no bed rest is the right answer.
Doctors are amazing, but they are people with opinions just like everyone else. Some doctors think bed rest is beneficial, some do not but just because it is MY doctor saying it is not helpful does not mean that is the correct answer.
I am sure at this point I am doing more worrying now than planning, but the idea of losing Boo in the same way as Kayla is the most terrifying thought. I just don't know if I could get through it a second time, especially if there was something I felt I could have done that I didn't. But when you trust your doctor, you trust that they are going to guide you in the right direction, so if I do decide to put myself on bed rest someday, it will be hard to be confident in my decision knowing my doctor doesn't think it is necessary.
I am not saying in any way that my job is more important than my baby. But, making the decision to possibly lose my job and turn my life upside down to do something that my doctor doesn't think is needed is going to be difficult....not to mention, how would I get FMLA approved if my doctor doesn't agree? Would she still sign off on it despite disagreeing? Would I then have to find a new doctor? Could I just find a doctor who agrees with me to sign off on it? So many questions and worries.
It basically comes down to this....if my cervix stays long and closed like a champ, of course I won't feel the need to go on bed rest. But if there are any issues whasoever, I may have to make that decision. I am not doctor, but I do understand gravity and to me it just makes sense to take weight off from something that misbehaves when too much weight is put on it.
I'm also a little unsure about this vacation. Again, if all is going well I think it would do us good. We've had a hellish year and with this new pregnancy we could really use a few days away to just recharge our batteries, unwind, and have fun. But we'll have to make sure to book a refundable trip just in case things aren't lookin good at the time. I'm also a little unsure of taking the time off. As it is I have to take the day after my cerclage off to recover and take it easy, so I had to get a little creative with my time off to cover those two days plus the morning of my NT scan. Since I am basically living "paycheck to paycheck" in terms of time off, it seems irresponsible to take two whole days off for a vacation.
BUT....I have not had a vacation since.....um, I don't remember. Ok, it was bugging me so I checked the calendar. The last time I had a week off was a year ago in June but we didn't go anywhere (and my grandma died the last day of it, how's that for a vacation?). I took three days off to spend a long weekend in Wisconsin last September when my brother ran the Ironman, and the last trip MH and I took was our honeymoon almost three years ago. Once I am further along a trip will be out for sure, and once the baby comes it will be a long time, despite our best intentions, before we'll be able to or even want to travel without Boo.
So I think a trip, despite it being a short one (Thursday night to Sunday night) is well deserved.
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