Capture your grief: Day 11, Glow in the woods

Today I want to honor the beautiful writers at Glow in the woods, past and present.  This was the first place I found on the internet where I could read about other parents experiences with grief.  They were literally my light in the darkness.  Share some resources that have aided in your journey.

I found the articles at Still Standing magazine to be amazingly helpful, most in particular the writing by Angela Miller, entitled Why you didn't fail as a mother.  This spoke to me, it was like it was written for me.  I read it often, whenever I need to convince myself of the words it is telling me.  It is like my little bible.  I have since purchased her book, and we had Kayla's name added to the memorial page in the 3rd addition.  The following excerpts are the ones that get me the most:

"God didn't do this to punish you, smite you, or teach you a lesson, that is not God's way.  You could not have prevented this if you have tried harder, prayed harder, or if you were a 'better' person.  Nor if you ate better, loved harder, yoga-ed more, did x, y, z to the nth degree-fill in the blank with any other lie your mind devises.  You could not have prevented this even if you could have predicted the future like no one can".

"Wash your hands of anyone who has made you feel less than by questioning everything you did or didn't do.  Anyone whose words or looks have implied this is somehow your fault.  Especially if that someone happens to be you.  Sometimes it is not what others say that keeps us shackled in shame".

"No one else could do what you do.  No one else could mother your child as well as you can, as well as you are.  No one else could let your child's love and light shine through the way you do.

"For whatever it's worth, I see you.  I hear your guttural sobs.  I feel your ache deep inside your bones.  I see you fall down and get up, fall down and get up, over and over again.  I notice the grit and guts it takes to pry yourself out of bed every single day and force your bloodied feet to stand up and keep walking".

"For even in death, you lovingly mother your precious child still".



I also find a lot of solace in quotes I find on pinterest.  Most of them are very short, but they are so on point that it's like someone looked inside my heart and found the words I cannot come up with on my own.  I am sure anyone who follows me gets tired of seeing all these depressing quotes, but they help me.  It helps me to explain how I feel, in one short sentence these quotes get me, even if it is just to read myself.