This is the day in the month where you can say whatever is on your heart that you would like. Is there anything you were hoping would be in the month of subjects that wasn't? I am sure there is a bunch of things. This is your chance to share it, find your voice. What is it that you want to express? If you are lost for words, a subject you could write about is grief myths. What does grief look like for you?
For today's open subject, I want to write about a fellow mom. I don't know her, before yesterday she was a perfect stranger, but now I feel like I know exactly how she is feeling tonight. A mutual friend of ours put us in contact because Sarah, this once stranger, received a heartbreaking fatal diagnosis about her unborn baby, and tonight she gave birth to her daughter and said goodbye to her. Twenty four hours ago I knew nothing about this woman, and now tonight I know exactly the heartbreak and devastation she is feeling right now.
I used to think everything happens for a reason. I still believe that to some degree. Having your heartbroken in your twenties helps you find your true love later on, yada yada. But I will never believe that my baby died for any reason. I'll never believe that there was some reason that she was needed in heaven, before she even had a chance to start her life on earth. I'll never believe that God gave me this precious gift, only to take it back and put me through the worst pain I've ever felt. I don't believe that others go through grief, to be able to help "newbies" in grief down the road, but I do believe it is a good light that can come from darkness.
I've stood in the doorway Sarah is standing in right now, looking down a very long, pitch black road. Unable to see any light, unknowing when or where the light will come from. I've stood in that doorway, I've ventured down the path, and I walked and walked and walked until eventually the pitch darkness slowly began to give way to light, until I was finally walking in the daylight. I've been down that path and made it to the other side.
It deeply pains me that this person I don't even know is just starting that journey, because I know she has such a long road of emptiness, tears, and heartache. But it makes me happy that I can pay it forward from the lovely ladies who helped me when I was just starting down this road, and show her that there will be light again. Others can empathize, and they can guess, but they'll never really know how this feels until they walk the road themselves, so I am grateful our lives were able to cross paths so I can try to help her, to be a soundboard for her to vent to, to tell her "I remember feeling exactly that way", and to maybe be her hope that you can get through the worst days of your life, and smile again.
Whoever is reading this now, please send out thoughts and prayers tonight to Sarah, her husband Paul and their sweet angel Dylan.
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