I am doing this project in honor of my daughter Kayla. I got pregnant with her after a long road of infertility and an early miscarriage. I was so happy when that test finally showed two pink lines. We had a great time telling family and friends, everyone was so excited for us. I was nervous of course after my first loss, but as we got further into second tri, I got much more confident. I had a few spotting episodes in first tri, but other than that I had a complication free pregnancy.
The day finally came to see our sweet baby again, make sure everything was ok and find out the sex. After checking a few things, our ultrasound tech told us it was a girl baby. I was over the moon. A little boy would have been great too, but I admit, I was so thrilled to be having a little girl. Ryan and I instantly knew that we would name her Kayla. He told me on our second date that if he ever had a little girl, he wanted to name her that. For the next six years, we would refer to our future child as Kayla, and it stuck.
Her middle name would be Kathryn after my mom who passed away 9 years prior. Ryan and I went to a bakery and had cupcakes made with pink frosting in the middle. Actually, we had some made with blue as well, because to place the order once we knew the sex would mean delaying telling family for another week, so we placed the order in advance and just got some of both. Extra cupcakes aren't a bad thing right? So we drove around to our family the next night, sharing the cupcakes and getting to see their reaction to seeing the pink frosting. Everyone was so excited for us.
By then I was feeling Kayla a lot. She kicked a lot, letting me know she was there. During the anatomy scan she was sucking her thumb and the tech got a great shot of it. I was so excited to meet my little girl. The night I went into labor, just a month later, I thought for sure the doctors could stop my contractions and everything would be ok. But just twelve hours later we met our daughter for the first time, and prepared to say goodbye to her.
She was absolutely beautiful. She was so tiny, just one pound, 1.6 ounces and 11.5 inches long. I just stared at her, marveling at how perfect and miniature her features were. Her little fingernails, her ears, her tiny nose, everything looked just like a full term baby, but on a super small scale. She was born on March 24th, 2013, and her due date was July 26th. She was just 22 weeks 2 days gestation. Her eyes were closed and she had this perfect little nose, pouty mouth and little chin. Our rainbow baby, Kayla's little sister has that same nose, mouth, and chin. She looked so peaceful. I loved to hold her. I would so thankful she didn't suffer and was born sleeping, but what I wouldn't have given to hear her cry just once. To hear her tiny little voice.
I couldn't believe she was gone. I still can't. I knew my girl so briefly, and held her for just a few hours. But she'll live on in my heart forever. I know she watches over us each day, and not a single day goes by that I don't think of her and miss her. I will always always wonder who Kayla would have been.
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