I think I am kind of pooping our of the capture your grief project this year. I got a few days behind and I just don't feel like I have the mental energy to catch up. Maybe next year.
Last night we all went out with my brother and SIL for dinner and trick or treating at the village. The restaurant was busy and we had a wait, so when they called our name and asked if I high top was ok, we weren't sure what to do. Of course you can't put a high chair next to a high top (despite the similar names, haha). But I didn't know how much longer another table would be so we said ok and got a booster seat. We will now be checking the box for "booster seat 'not ready' ". She has a booster seat that we keep in the car in case restaurants don't have them or if we eat at a non-kid home, but it has straps to hold her in.
First I was worried she would slip out and slip under the table, which was quite a drop, and then she kept trying to climb across the table to my brother and when she was sitting with them she wanted to crawl back over to us. Then she got a hold of my pop and dumped it all over my lap. Not a great meal. Then my husband got all annoyed and flustered cause she was crying. He doesn't spend enough time with her out in public to have developed an "I don't give a shit if people stare at my screaming kid" attitude. Before I had kids I used to think it must be so embarrassing, but I really do not care. Other parents understand, and for those that aren't parents, one day if they become one they'll say, "Ohhhhh" just like I did. She's a toddler, tantrums happen, deal with it.
So then we went to the village. Emily was a U of M cheerleader. I had adorable little pigtails in her hair, but one came out on the way to dinner since she kept turning her head in her car seat, and she screamed holy hell when I tried to fix it so I just took the other one out. It was also pretty chilly so she had to wear a jacket so you really couldn't see her costume. Oh well. I just wore jeans and a waffle shirt because I am hot all the time, and I was sweating when I was getting ready. But once we got there I was pretty cold, and luckily my brother had an extra sweatshirt for me to wear. It was a nice change to be cold for once. I am really hoping if I can get back down to my goal weight, the sweating will go away. I hate doing my hair and make up but then my hairline gets all sweaty and my hair becomes a wet wavy mess.
I know part of it is a change in hormones since having Emily, but I am praying the weight is a big factor and will help a lot once I lose it. I cannot stand being hot and sweaty all the time. And it's just my hairline that sweats. I mean, I guess it's good that I don't get pit stains, but come on, it ruins my hair and make up. I remember the winter I lost a lot of weight, I was cold all the time. I would kill to be a cold person. At least then you can pile on cute sweaters and sweatshirts. There isn't much you can do when you're in just a tshirt in 40 degree weather and drowning in your sweat.
So we walked around, saw all the attractions, there were some new ones that were pretty cool. Emily seemed to like it, she especially liked seeing the horses at the Ichibod Crane and Headless Horseman attraction. I was standing there holding her and for whatever reason she decided to knock my glasses off my face (she usually only does this when she's mad) and of course they land on the other side of the fence in the corn field where they are riding. Thankfully they were just in reach and my brother got them. What would I have done, excuse me headless horseman, will you get me my glasses?
I finally got all my chores done this week on time, so today I was able to just lay around and relax. It was so nice. I missed being able to relax on the weekend and not feel guilty about not doing the chores I didn't do all week. Maybe I can keep it up. What's been working so far is to drink half a 5 hour energy and that keeps me going and I don't end up dozing or napping when Emily naps. I don't like depending on them, but even the caffeine in tea or choking down a coffee doesn't help as much as the energy drinks do. Hopefully they're not THAT bad for you, especially since I only drink half in one day. I am not being very successful in going to bed earlier, but at least without the daytime naps, I am falling asleep easier when I do go to bed.
Around 5 I decided to go to the mall and pick up my husband's anniversary present. I was going to run there by myself but decided to take Emmy. We stopped at the cemetery first to get Kayla's stuffed animal. I don't want it taken if they do a fall clean up soon. I'll wash her and then Emily will get her, and we'll pick out a new stuffie that Kayla will have in her christmas stocking and then we'll put it at her grave in the spring. Last year's stuffie is now Emily's favorite teddy bear. We call her Kayla bear since she was hers first. She is just the perfect size for Em to cuddle with and she's wearing a light pink jacket with a hoodie. She really loves her, she has to have her to go to sleep and lately she has been carrying her around the house and she hugs her and squeals.
So after that we went to the mall. I decided to be brave and leave the stroller and let her walk in. She did great most of the way, she's really good about holding my hand, in fact she prefers it when we are out in public or walking somewhere that the ground isn't perfectly level. I picked up the gift and then I let her ride some of the cars and stuff that they had in the kids area. She seemed to like them but I think their movements scared her a bit. Then we were on our way to the doors to leave when she face planted and bumped her forehead on the floor. So we had to get ice cream to make her feel better.
Ok ok, we were already on our way to get ice cream anyway, but the former is the official story. My mom and I used to always stop at Macy's for some frozen yogurt at that very mall, so it's a fun tradition to carry on with my daughter. So we got a cup of yogurt with chocolate chips. She liked it and she soon forgot all about her fall. It was a nice little trip to the mall. I love spending fun times with her, making memories.
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