When Emily was a newborn, I was terrified. I checked on her all the time, I watched her on the monitor, I slept with one eye open. It took me about two weeks to even feel comfortable rolling over and sleeping with my back to the monitor, afraid I wouldn't hear her if she needed me.
The fear subsided some over the months, but there was still many many nights I'd have to go check on her because the monitor wasn't enough to convince me she was ok and breathing. But now that she's older, we really only have the monitor so she can wake us up. She's only right down the hall, but if I am asleep and both of our doors are closed, I likely wouldn't hear her. Most nights I don't even go get the monitor until she's been in bed for a while, knowing I can easily hear her through the walls while I am awake.
Even once I wasn't nearly as scared anymore, I still went in to check on her each night before I went to bed, but now I don't even do that anymore. Unless she needs to be covered with a blanket or something, seeing her on the monitor is good enough for me before I go to bed. Especially because I don't want to risk waking her by going in her room.
She normally wakes me up around 8am, but it wasn't that unusual for her to still be sleeping at 8:15 when my husband got home from work. As he crawled into bed, he looked at the monitor for a minute and asked if she was ok. I glanced at it, said yeah, and closed my eyes again, planning on taking advantage of her late morning with a little more sleep myself. But then my eyes opened, and I'd watch the monitor, and then close my eyes again. Then open, and look longer. Finally I started pushing the talk button....often just the noise of the mic coming on is enough to make her stir, but nothing.
Had my husband not said anything, I probably wouldn't have given it another thought, but now I was a little worried. So I went in her room, and immediately noticed no noise. Usually I can hear her breathing or even snoring a little. I put my hand on her back but she didn't move. I didn't feel any real obvious movements of her breathing. Then I felt her cheek and it was cold. Now I started to freak out, I squatted down to look at her face through the bars, and just then she sighed a deep sigh and turned her head. Good lord, I was just on the brink of completely flipping out. Her cheek was cold because the house had gotten down to 65 that morning so my husband turned the heat on when he got home. But thankfully after I saw she was fine, I did get to go back to bed for a nice 45 minutes.
I am so thankful I am not scared like that all the time anymore, but damn when those fears creep back in, they come back with a vengence. Mark that as reason #422 why I don't want another kid....I am not sure I could take those fear filled nights in the first few months again. Oh, and reason #423, a couple weeks ago Emily and I went up north to see my dad and stepmom. My husband didn't go, so it was just me and Em staying in our camper, which is on my dad's property. I was laying in bed, and I noticed my stomach felt weird. It didn't hurt, they weren't cramps. I don't know, just a weird feeling.
Right then I thought boy am I glad I am not pregnant, and I don't have to worry that this is something bad. That's the same way I feel when I start spotting each month, is whew, it's so nice to get my period each month, where the bleeding is expected and normal. It's nice not to have to be terrified all the time that you're bleeding.
Ok, so on a good note. I went to pick up Em from my inlaws tonight. She was already in her jammies with the little grippy feet. As I was sitting there talking to my MIL, I noticed Emily was behind my chair, playing in the dog's water dish with her foot. So the foot of her jammies were soaked. I squeezed out as much water as I could and cleaned up the floor, but her jammies were still damp, so I told her to go play on the carpet. But now, she kept coming in the kitchen, and walking on their already slippery tile floor, with a wet foot. Despite the grippy feet, boom, down she went. It was like she was walking on ice, she'd be walking just fine, and then whoops, her foot would slip again and she'd go down again.
I'm honestly not a mean mommie, but my MIL and I were laughing so hard we were doubled over and our stomachs hurt. It was just so funny watching her take a few steps, and boom, a few more steps and boom. Then she started walking funny to compensate, but she would still fall. She must have slipped over a dozen times in 5 minutes. By the way, she fell on her diaper padded butt and laughed every time, I am not that mean that I would laugh if she were hurt.
Finally I went to my car to get my phone to record it, but then she stopped slipping. It was seriously the funniest thing I have seen in a long time.
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