Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Capture your grief-Day 7, Memory

Share a memory of your child.  It doesn't have to be a positive or negative memory, just share whatever it is you want or feel drawn to sharing.  You are the story teller here.

The first night after Kayla was born, we asked the nurse where she was going to spend the night.  She wheeled a crib over and said she could stay with us.  I would have loved to have had her in bed with me, but she was so tiny and fragile.  Even though I know I couldn't have hurt her, it would have broken me if I had pushed her out of bed during the night or something.

Despite everything that happened, I slept well.  I hadn't slept in over 36 hours and I had had such a physically and emotionally taxing day.  The hourly temp checks and beeping of my IV woke me each time, but I easily went back to sleep, and mercifully had a dreamless sleep.  When I woke at 6am, it was still dark out.  I could see through the window that it had snowed the night before, and my husband was still sleeping.  I sat up in bed, and got Kayla out of her crib.

I held her, and just looked at her beautiful face, and sobbed.  The whole world was quiet and it was just me and her.  Despite her being gone, it was a beautiful moment I was so thankful to have with my daughter.

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