Capture your Grief Day 11- 17 wks 1 day

Day 11. Supportive Friends/Family Who has been there for you?

Oh gosh, so many people I cannot fit all of their pictures on here, but just to name a few; my dad, his girlfriend Brenda, my best friend Amanda, my MIL Donna, my FIL Joe, my SIL Jenny, my friends Sarah, Erin, Jessica, Mary, George, poeple from the bump, aunts and uncles, friends' parents, nurses, my doctors, and strangers that I just happen to tell my story to.  I hope I didn't leave anybody out.  But the one person who shares my pain, and knows exactly what I am going through is my amazing husband Ryan.  He may be stubborn at times, and a smart ass, but I always know if I need to come home and burst into tears, he is waiting with open arms.  He never left my side at the hospital, he was there for me physically, emotionally and he often put his own pain aside to make sure I was ok.  I love him so very much, and I cannot imagine my life without him.
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I've written a lot in here about my struggles with my faith since losing Kayla.  I've never been a super vocal person about my religion, I don't constantly "praise Jesus" or say God is good.  I don't quote the bible on facebook....actually I cannot quote the Bible at all.  But I always felt that I had a private relationship with God.  I was secure in what I believed, and I was content.  But I feel like I don't know anything anymore.  I have so many questions, and so much anger. 

I go to counseling every month, and it's wonderful.  I have several online support groups and friends that know where I am coming from, and as you can see many friends who are there for me no matter what.  But I've been thinking for a long time now about seeking some sort of spiritual counseling, but I didn't know where to go.  I don't really go to church, and the closest thing to a home church is the church I attended as a kid.  I was baptized there, my parents were married there, my husband and I were married there.  The pastor there is new, she came since we got married three years ago, but she did officiate my grandma's funeral last summer, and she recognized me at church last Christmas Eve and asked how I was doing and even remembered my grandma's name.  Considering my grandma hasn't been to church in probably 30 years or more, I was very touched that she remembered and recognized me.

But I was hesitant to call because I never go anymore, except for Christmas Eve, and she barely knows me.  But my dad convinced me that she is there to help people and she won't care that I don't go regularly and I don't contribute financially.  I was very nervous, but I emailed her (lol, I couldn't work up the nerve to call) and she responded quickly, expressed how sorry she was to hear about Kayla and that of course she can meet with me.  So we're meeting Tuesday evening after I get off work.  I also can't help but notice that it's also National Pregnancy and Infact Loss Remembrance Day, how appropriate.  I'm nervous, but very excited to go.  I may not get all of the answers I'm seeking, but I think it will help me.

Now, on to the lesson of the day boys and girls.  Things that may seem funny and tongue-in-cheek are not funny or appropriate for certain people.  If you know someone who has lost a child, especially in the very recent six months, please know that they will not appreciate it if you buy them a book called "How not to kill your baby".  No matter how well intentioned you may be, just don't.