Capture your Grief Day 4- 16 wks 1 day

Day 4. Most Treasured Item Something that relates to your baby/ies/child/ren. Maybe it is their hand and foot prints or a photograph. Whatever it is we would love to see it.

Anything we have pertaining to Kayla is a treasured item, but when it comes to things that are irreplaceable, I'd have to say her outfit she wore in the hospital.  I hated to even wash it, but the nurse recommended we do because of fluids and such, and she was right, there were some stains.  I just hated to wash the last and only thing she ever wore and touched.  We put it in a shadow box and hung it in the nursery.
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I went out today and bought The Little Mermaid.  I only have it on VHS, and it's released from the vault so I wanted to make sure to get it while it's out.  If Boo turns out to be a girl, I need to stock up on princess movies  :)

I just realized how optimistic I'm being about the future.  We plan on announcing to FB and therefore our extended family and friends after we pass Kayla's loss milestone.  I am excited to do this, and I probably think about it almost everyday.  But I don't think about "if" we get to announce, I think when.  I go for my first cervical measurement next week, and for whatever reason I am not nervous that I'll have shortened.  I don't know why, usually I tend to think the worst because I seem to think it will be easier to take any bad news if I prepare for it (psssha), but I feel very confident that my cervix will be ok.  I hope my feeling is right.

But to all you Positive Pattis out there, I feel this way because I feel this way.  Harping on me to think positively, or not to worry does not do any good.  I cannot make myself feel optimistic, I just do.  So for the good news/bad news this week....the bad news is, I am still having troubles controlling my bloodsugar, which is frustrating, but I did lose 3 pounds this week, putting me at a negative 5 pounds this pregnancy so far.  Having a deficit is a nice cushion so I don't worry about gaining too much.  And maybe it will keep my doctors from thinking I am not trying to control my sugar....I don't know if they would think that or not, but at least my weight does speak for itself and shows I must be doing something right.