Capture your Grief Day 6- 16 wks 3 days

Day 6. What Not To Say Have you had something terrible said to you in the wake of your loss, write it on a piece of paper – photograph it – vent it.

The first two were gems from my old boss.  It was just days after we lost her, I went in to my office after hours to get something off my computer and of all people I didn't want to run into, she was still there and came over to talk to us.  I've ranted about the "it was part of God's plan" too many times, so I'll pass on that one.  But what would make a person think that it's ever ok to tell her former employee and her husband (that she was meeting for the first time) that we can have fun trying again, just 4 days after we lost our daughter.  First, please do not ever reference anything about my husband and I having sex.  Secondly, trying to get pregnant is not fun, especially for as long as we had been trying.  It's work, it's timing, it's not fun....at all.  Sometimes the ends justified the means and it turned out to be enjoyable, but you want to do something because you want to, not because you're about to ovulate so you have to.

Third, we were trying again when I should have been in my third trimester with Kayla.  She made it sounds as though our mindset should be, well we lost that one, but whohoo let's go try again.  Like it was no big deal, like Kayla was not important and we'll just try to replace her.  That was by far the most hurtful implication of that statement.  

The final statement was made by a co-worker when she saw a picture of Kayla's gravestone.  I try to have understanding for the most part, I try to tell myself that people just don't understand and they never will if they haven't been there.  But there was just so much disgust and judgement in her tone when she said that, I literally wanted to punch her in the face and I have barely spoken to her since.  Not that she and I were ever friends, but she's not even worth my time of small talk in the office anymore.  Kayla was a person, she was my daughter and it makes me sick that anyone would speak of her as if she didn't even deserve a name.