Doctor rant- 19 wks 5 days

First let me just say I love my two doctors.  They are wonderful, they truly care about me and my baby and they admit that don't have all the answers, but they are doing everything they can to try to catch any possible scenario in order to keep Boo safe.

However today, I met one of the male doctors in the practice.  I briefly met the other male doctor when he was doing his rounds in the hospital.  I didn't get an impression of him good or bad, but I do know if I had a choice, I'll stick with my female doctors.  But this guy today, I am not a fan at all and I will be requesting not to see him again.  First of all, he comes in and starts looking at my chart since obviously he is not familiar with my case.  He see's that I have a history of PTL and upon finding the lab report, he says ah, you had chorio or something like that....it was short for some big medical word meaning infection.

I was like well Dr. Garmel did say I had an infection, could not say for certain whether the infection caused the PTL, or the PTL started because I have an incompetent cervix and then the infection got in once my cervix was open.  So he goes into this big speech about how I don't have an IC, and how it doesn't exist.  He says it was due to the infection.  I asked how it always starts around the same time for all women in this situation.....I mean, everyone I know with a suspected IC went into labor and gave birth around 20-24 weeks.  That to me is solid with the theory that at that point, the baby is heavy enough to weaken the cervix and cause it to open.  So if it is due to an infection, why does it always happen around that time?

He couldn't really answer that, saying well it starts much earlier around 15 weeks and progresses....but again, why?  Why doesn't it start at 8 weeks, or 30 weeks?  I didn't ask, but I'd also like to know why cervix shortening is such an issue for women pregnant with multiples?  Again, the weight of twins or triplets is obviously more than a singleton, causing pressure on the cervix.  Why would multiples pregnancies be at any higher risk of infection than a singleton?

My doctor that delivered Kayla stressed to me that even if it was an infection, these things sometimes just happen, it was nothing I did, for example nothing I did wrong regarding hygeine.  But this doctor brought that up, saying poor hygeine could be a cause.  Um, thanks for laying the blame on the mothers and saying our babies died because we don't clean well enough.  Let's be frank, stuff isn't exactly spaced out down there.  If all of these women that lose their children due to what I believe is an IC but is really because of infections due to poor hygeine, I would think that number would be way higher than it is.  If you can do everything right and still get an infection that can cause PTL, then the stats would be much much higher in my opinion.

He also gave no condolences what so ever, and constantly referred to Kayla as a "22 weeker".  No, she's not a 22 weeker, she is my daughter and a little sensitivity would have been appreciated.  Maybe when discussing a case with other doctors or in your own private notes, 22 weeker might be acceptable, but not when you're talking to the patient.  I am so glad my husband couldn't go to this appointment because he likely wouldn't have taken too kindly to him.

I just listened to his speech though...clearly nothing I say would change his mind, he believes what he believes.  I know I am not a doctor, but obviously there are doctors that do believe in IC and I agree with their theories.  It just makes common sense to me.  I know my case isn't cut and dry as I had some symptoms that are not consistent with IC, but I also had several that were.  But if I had to guess, I would lean more to the side that I do have an IC, and the infection was something that just came along with it, and/or got in after my cervix was open.   At the very least, I see no issue with doing the cerclage as a precaution, and if I don't have an IC, well it was an extra security blanket in case I do.

I am just so glad he wasn't my only experienece through out this whole thing.  I cannot imagine listening to his "it probably won't happen again" theory, and then losing Boo the same way since he would not have done a cerclage.  I know everyone has different opnions, but I don't see how he can be so blase about it.  I can tell from his attitude, and calling Kayla a 22 weeker, he only sees the medical aspect of things, and not the emotional side.  Losing a baby isn't just like well ok, that didn't work.  Let's try again and hope it doesn't happen again.  I understand how doctors can become a little numb to the emotional side because in a way they have to, but they're still human beings.  How can they not retain any compassion?  I heard him talking out in the hallway, he has kids.  Can he seriously not go back to when his wife was pregnant, and imagine what it would have been like to lose one of them?

But I will definitely not be seeing him again.  And it's not just the male thing...my old gyn was a guy and he was wonderful.  Very compassionate and a great doctor.  I can't imagine anyone actually liking this guy and feeling comfortable with him.