Capture your Grief Day 8- 16 wks 5 days

Day 8. Jewellery Do you have a piece of jewellery in memory of your baby/ies/child/ren? Share it!

 

My necklace was sent to me by a dear friend of mine.  She lives about 10 hours away and wasn't able to be here for the funeral or anything, and I actually haven't seen her since my wedding almost three years ago.  But she's always been such a great friend, and I know it pained her to not be here for me when I needed her.  She sent flowers the day we got home from the hospital, and she's been in touch a lot to see how we're doing and is always sending good thoughts for Boo. 

It was a day that I was still on maternity leave and Ryan had gone back to work.  It was one of my "lazy, don't feel like doing anything" days so I was excited to get a small package in the mail.  I wasn't expecting anything, so it was like Christmas morning and I was so excited to see what it was.  I opened it up and it was this beautiful angel necklace from my friend.  She said she was out and she saw it and instantly thought of me.  I love that it represents that my daughter is now an angel, but also how much my friends mean to me.
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 So I had my first cervical measurement today.  I was pretty optimistic leading up to today, but then I got very nervous last night and this morning.  But it went fabulous!  At this point anything over 3 cm is good, and mine is 4.4 and it is firm and closed!  Wow, what a relief.  I know we have a long ways to go, but obviously any shortening already would be a bad sign, so I am so thrilled that it is really long.  If I am not mistaken, it's very long even for a pregnancy without risk of IC. 

I also lost weight this week.  Well I knew by my own scale that I lost three pounds last week, but the doctor's scale today said I have lost 6 since my last appointment.  I am not sure how accurate that is since I have different clothes on each time and I may or may not have eaten already, but I'll take it. 

 

The only bad news of the appt was my fasting numbers are not good, and I have to start nightly insulin shots before dinner.  But that's not surprising at all, I knew my numbers were bad, so I knew insulin was coming.  So the nurse taught me how to load the syringe, and I did a practice shot while I was there.  It really isn't painful which is a relief.  So I'll start those tonight....she thinks I may need to do one before breakfast as well, but they're giving me a few days to see how the night dose does, and maybe it will help control into the morning as well.  So all in all a great appointment, and I feel so optimistic right now of bringing home Boo someday.  I even feel optimistic about another kid after Boo. 

 

I know that's getting the cart ahead of the horse, but I've always been on the fence about it.  But when I learned what a difficult pregnancy this could be, I couldn't imagine doing this again if I do have shortening and need to be off work for bed rest.  Like I said, I have many more measurements that I need to get through, but starting off the first one with a good measurement does give me a flicker of hope that I can have a successful pregnancy, and go on to have another if we chose someday.