I have one nerve left and this guy in the cube across the aisle is totally getting on it. He taps his foot all.day.long. When he isn't tapping his foot, he his kicking his cubicle wall, when he's not doing that, he talks non-stop. Him and the guy behind him talk music all friggin' day long. Ok I get it, they like music, they like classic (read, old guy) rock n' roll....but how can you seriously talk about it all day everyday?
It's all I can do to not just scream, will you stop making fucking noise!? But that doesn't even bother me as much as the fact that NO ONE else seems bothered by it. Even when he's kicking the wall and it's making a reverberating noise. I've even tried pointing it out to people and they still don't hear it if they're not paying attention. This bothered me long before I was pregnant too, but now it's driving me absolutely insane. I have daydreams of clobbering him over the head with one of those big clubs like in cartoons.
We're changing our seats around soon, for the 8th damn time in 5 years...I'll be a little further away from him, but then I'll be back in line, and ear shot of the most awful woman on earth. Honestly I think I would take foot tapper over her. She's loud, obnoxious, and has horrible grammar ("I seen it", and "I took a pitcher" (picture)). Not to mention she loves to just hear herself talk all day, makes fun of people constantly and talks in different voices to impersonate people. I thought I had died and gone to Heaven when I was moved here, there is enough cubes and a big pillar in the way that I can block out her voice, but in my new seat I am sure she will come in loud and clear. I only got to enjoy this peace for a few short months. I am not cut out to work in a cube farm, I need my own sound proof office where I can't hear a damn thing.
Friday, December 28, 2012
Lab results- 9 wks 4 days
So I did my 24 urine on Christmas day, took it to the lab the next day and did my fasting glucose test. The nurse called with my results today....my urine had an eleveated amount of protein in it, but I am currently on meds for a bladder infection (which is weird because I have no symptoms for it) and she said the meds could cause this so they want to repeat it. Great, I have no more days off coming up so I'll have to do it on a Sunday and drop it off at the lab on Monday morning. The lab doesn't open until 8am which is when I have to be at work so I'll have to come in late.
Once I share my news at work I have no problem coming in late for appointments because everyone knows pregnancy comes with a lot of doctor appointments. I am even fine with sharing with my boss that I am seeing a high risk doctor and may have a few more appointments than normal. But until then, I hate asking for time off, especially since I have a new boss starting next week. I don't want him to think I am a slacker, but I am also not ready to share yet.
So my glucose test came back excellent she said; I didn't ask but I will when I see the doctor, but I am assuming for now that means I am not diabetic. And if I can get on a healthy diet I should be ok....after all this junk food that's been shoved in my face lately, I am actually excited to go get some fruits and vegetables tomorrow. I also do not have hep b or c or HIV which isn't a shocker, and I am not anemic. She said my levels for that are great and better than her and she isn't even pregnant. She's looking into whether or not my insurance will cover a glucometer, she said often they don't if you're not on insulin. I'll have to get clarification on that...if they think I need one is that just to keep things in check so I don't become diabetic, or am I diabetic but just not bad enough to be on insulin?
So I am scheduled for my NT scan on the 14th but my husband and I discussed it, I don't think we'll be doing it. We aren't thrilled at how inconclusive the results can be....I get that for the vast population, it's fairly accurate but I don't like that a negative result still doesn't guarantee the baby is ok and a positive result doesn't guarantee the baby has something wrong. It wouldn't change what we would do anyway, unless my life was actually in danger, we would not terminate if something was wrong, so I don't see the point of taking on any potential worry. I would also not take the risk, no matter how small, of a miscarriage to have an amnio for further testing if something did show up.
I am a little annoyed though that the doctor's office didn't really explain any of it. It wasn't until a few days after they scheduled me for it that I realized what it was. They just said my next ultrasound, they didn't say what they would be looking for and that it is optional. They gave me a pamphlet but it's obviously written by the labs that adminster the test since it sounds like a commericial, totally pushing the woman to have it. I see my doctor a week before the test so I need to ask more about it.
The only reason I am dissapointed about not having it is I was looking forward to another ultrasound. By then it will have been about a month since my last, and if I don't have it, my next ultrasound won't be until the 18 week anatomy scan. So I am wondering if I could still have the ultrasound, just don't do any of the actual testing or whatever for downs. Not sure if that's possible but it doesn't hurt to ask I guess.
Once I share my news at work I have no problem coming in late for appointments because everyone knows pregnancy comes with a lot of doctor appointments. I am even fine with sharing with my boss that I am seeing a high risk doctor and may have a few more appointments than normal. But until then, I hate asking for time off, especially since I have a new boss starting next week. I don't want him to think I am a slacker, but I am also not ready to share yet.
So my glucose test came back excellent she said; I didn't ask but I will when I see the doctor, but I am assuming for now that means I am not diabetic. And if I can get on a healthy diet I should be ok....after all this junk food that's been shoved in my face lately, I am actually excited to go get some fruits and vegetables tomorrow. I also do not have hep b or c or HIV which isn't a shocker, and I am not anemic. She said my levels for that are great and better than her and she isn't even pregnant. She's looking into whether or not my insurance will cover a glucometer, she said often they don't if you're not on insulin. I'll have to get clarification on that...if they think I need one is that just to keep things in check so I don't become diabetic, or am I diabetic but just not bad enough to be on insulin?
So I am scheduled for my NT scan on the 14th but my husband and I discussed it, I don't think we'll be doing it. We aren't thrilled at how inconclusive the results can be....I get that for the vast population, it's fairly accurate but I don't like that a negative result still doesn't guarantee the baby is ok and a positive result doesn't guarantee the baby has something wrong. It wouldn't change what we would do anyway, unless my life was actually in danger, we would not terminate if something was wrong, so I don't see the point of taking on any potential worry. I would also not take the risk, no matter how small, of a miscarriage to have an amnio for further testing if something did show up.
I am a little annoyed though that the doctor's office didn't really explain any of it. It wasn't until a few days after they scheduled me for it that I realized what it was. They just said my next ultrasound, they didn't say what they would be looking for and that it is optional. They gave me a pamphlet but it's obviously written by the labs that adminster the test since it sounds like a commericial, totally pushing the woman to have it. I see my doctor a week before the test so I need to ask more about it.
The only reason I am dissapointed about not having it is I was looking forward to another ultrasound. By then it will have been about a month since my last, and if I don't have it, my next ultrasound won't be until the 18 week anatomy scan. So I am wondering if I could still have the ultrasound, just don't do any of the actual testing or whatever for downs. Not sure if that's possible but it doesn't hurt to ask I guess.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
OB Nurse- 8 wks 5 days
So I had my first appt Friday with the OB nurse. It was kind of odd, just because they are all confused as to whether or not I am diabetic. I thought it was clear that I was being sent there because of my risk for developing gestational diabetes, but they all seemed to think I was already diabetic but then didn't think so based on my chart. So the entire appointment consisted of peeing in a cup, and answering a million questions that were on the new patient forms that I had filled out a brought with me. Seriously? I know that isn't the OB nurses' only job, but wouldn't intake appts be a lot more productive if they didn't spend the entire time asking all the same questions I already answered?
So the good news of the appt was that they want me to try lose weight. I didn't think it was safe to, but as long as it's not drastic and it's monitored, it's fine. So that makes me happy since I was really worried about gaining too much, and while I am thrilled I got pregnant so quickly once things started working again, I was a little bummed that I thought I couldn't keep trying to lose. I forgot to ask how much they would like to see me lose. I would imagine not more than 10 or 15, but anything would help. The only downside to it is Christmas is in two days....ha, great time to get back to my diet.
I did well with breakfast and lunch today, but my brother came over tonight and we got Chinese to watch the Dexter finale. I had already seen it of course but he hadn't. But the good news is I don't see my doctor again (well, for the first time since I only saw the nurse) until the week after Christmas so maybe if I do well enough the week after it will show at least a pound loss.
So they're sending me for all of these tests to see if I am actually diabetic or not. So yay, guess what I get to do on Christmas day? I get to pee in a jug all day. It wouldn't be a big deal, I've had quite a lot of experience peeing in things for the last 18 months, but the bad thing is, we'll be at my inlaws most of the day. And it has to stay refrigerated, so I have to take my jug o' pee to my inlaws and keep it in their fridge. Also when I pee, I have to take my whole arsenal to the bathroom with me. They gave me this huge jug, plus this tray thing that I put between the toilet lids so I can just pee into it without trying to aim into a little glass. Thank God they have a fridge in their garage so at least I don't have to put it in the kitchen fridge, yuck! It should also be cold enough that I could keep it outside. And I am lucky that their guest bath is right off the door to the garage, so I can hopefully discreetly grab it out of the fridge and run to the bathroom without anyone being the wiser. I will of course tell my MIL that there is pee in her fridge though, lol. Nope, that's not apple juice!
So the good news of the appt was that they want me to try lose weight. I didn't think it was safe to, but as long as it's not drastic and it's monitored, it's fine. So that makes me happy since I was really worried about gaining too much, and while I am thrilled I got pregnant so quickly once things started working again, I was a little bummed that I thought I couldn't keep trying to lose. I forgot to ask how much they would like to see me lose. I would imagine not more than 10 or 15, but anything would help. The only downside to it is Christmas is in two days....ha, great time to get back to my diet.
I did well with breakfast and lunch today, but my brother came over tonight and we got Chinese to watch the Dexter finale. I had already seen it of course but he hadn't. But the good news is I don't see my doctor again (well, for the first time since I only saw the nurse) until the week after Christmas so maybe if I do well enough the week after it will show at least a pound loss.
So they're sending me for all of these tests to see if I am actually diabetic or not. So yay, guess what I get to do on Christmas day? I get to pee in a jug all day. It wouldn't be a big deal, I've had quite a lot of experience peeing in things for the last 18 months, but the bad thing is, we'll be at my inlaws most of the day. And it has to stay refrigerated, so I have to take my jug o' pee to my inlaws and keep it in their fridge. Also when I pee, I have to take my whole arsenal to the bathroom with me. They gave me this huge jug, plus this tray thing that I put between the toilet lids so I can just pee into it without trying to aim into a little glass. Thank God they have a fridge in their garage so at least I don't have to put it in the kitchen fridge, yuck! It should also be cold enough that I could keep it outside. And I am lucky that their guest bath is right off the door to the garage, so I can hopefully discreetly grab it out of the fridge and run to the bathroom without anyone being the wiser. I will of course tell my MIL that there is pee in her fridge though, lol. Nope, that's not apple juice!
Reminds me of the time my nephew got ahold of Ryan's spit bottle. He was spitting in a coke bottle, so of course, it looked like (disgusting) coke to a 2-year-old. Ryan kept moving it away from him, but he must not have been paying attention one time cause suddenly my nephew start's crying...like screaming and crying, and throwing up. We couldn't figure it out until someone saw the bottle nearby. Ugh, barf.....poor baby. I cannot believe Ryan's sister didn't rip him a new one for not being more careful.
So I am wondering, for the sake of being discreet, if it would be easier to leave the jug o' pee and the tray at home, and just bring the pee cup that I used for TTC, and some other smallish container to store it in. I got pretty good at peeing in that cup with no major spillage. I guess the question though is what other container could I take, that I am fine with ruining. I'll put my husband on the job, he is good at solving strange problems like that. Ah, I think I got it....an empty Gatorade bottle. I could rinse it out really well and run boiling water in it to make sure there are no traces left of Gatorade. It's small so it would be more discreet, and has a wide mouth so I can pour the pee into it easily from the pee cup. I'm a genius.
So after peeing in a jug all day on Christmas, I have to take it to the lab on Wednesday. Good thing I am off work that day, but it's too bad I have to keep running back and forth between here and the lab. I was supposed to see the doctor that day, but they had to reschedule for a week later, so at least that is one less thing I have to do. So that is my fasting glucose test. When I wake up, I can't eat anything, I have to go to the lab, give them my pee and get bloodwork done. Go home and eat, and then wait two hours and go back to the lab for more bloodwork. I have to repeat that on Saturday.....hopefully that's all the testing I have to do for them to determine whether or not I am diabetic, which I really don't think I am. But at my last bloodwork before I got pregant, I was borderline, so I suppose it's possible I have crossed the line since then but I hope not.
Whew, so much testing to do. I'll be glad when it's done.
So I am wondering, for the sake of being discreet, if it would be easier to leave the jug o' pee and the tray at home, and just bring the pee cup that I used for TTC, and some other smallish container to store it in. I got pretty good at peeing in that cup with no major spillage. I guess the question though is what other container could I take, that I am fine with ruining. I'll put my husband on the job, he is good at solving strange problems like that. Ah, I think I got it....an empty Gatorade bottle. I could rinse it out really well and run boiling water in it to make sure there are no traces left of Gatorade. It's small so it would be more discreet, and has a wide mouth so I can pour the pee into it easily from the pee cup. I'm a genius.
So after peeing in a jug all day on Christmas, I have to take it to the lab on Wednesday. Good thing I am off work that day, but it's too bad I have to keep running back and forth between here and the lab. I was supposed to see the doctor that day, but they had to reschedule for a week later, so at least that is one less thing I have to do. So that is my fasting glucose test. When I wake up, I can't eat anything, I have to go to the lab, give them my pee and get bloodwork done. Go home and eat, and then wait two hours and go back to the lab for more bloodwork. I have to repeat that on Saturday.....hopefully that's all the testing I have to do for them to determine whether or not I am diabetic, which I really don't think I am. But at my last bloodwork before I got pregant, I was borderline, so I suppose it's possible I have crossed the line since then but I hope not.
Whew, so much testing to do. I'll be glad when it's done.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
2nd picture- 8 wks 1 day
I can't believe how much baby B has grown in just two weeks. Compared to the first picture he/she is so much bigger. This picture is kind of hard to make out the shape though....I think if you turn it upside down, it kind of looks like a rubber duckie with a rider. I was kind of hoping for a better picture since this is the one we'll be giving my SIL and BIL in their frames to announce, but it's healthy, I'll take it.
So I told my best friend about the new OB I'll be going to and she said her OB was in the hospital too so she asked the names. Turns out on of the women was the one that delivered her first! I'm so excited...I was a little nervous about going to a new office, but now I am so excited to possibly get her old doc since she loved her.
I really need to wrap presents, but since cooking dinner I am whipped. I was just lectured about overdoing it, so I had better go lay down.
Second Ultrasound- 8 wks 1 day
The ultrasound went great, eveything is fine and I am still measuring at 8 weeks on the nose. The baby looks huge compared to last time. If you turn the picture upside down it kind of looks like a rubber duckie with a rider on it, lol. Last time the yolk sac was so much bigger than baby but this time baby B dwarfs it.
Ryan went with me, which helped a lot, I know I would have been super nervous had he not been there. The tech paused for like 5 seconds before saying she saw a fetus and a heartbeat so of course I freaked for that whole five seconds, wondering if she was seeing something wrong. But everythng is fine and she didn't see any bleeding either.
When I was done she congratulated me and gave me a hug :)
After that we met with the doctor and I got a lecture for overdoing it on Saturday and spotting. I really didn't think walking and doing a few loads of laundry was overdoing it, but I guess in early pregnancy when you have a history of loss it's really important to rest. I'll have to really take it easy this week in cleaning the house for Christmas eve, I'll have to just do a little at a time.
So the doctor answered some of my questions....I told her it's tapering off but last week I was so hungry I wanted to eat a whole cow. I said I was trying hard to eat healthy but it's hard when you're that hungry. She just smiled and said welcome to pregnancy, so I guess maybe it's not as big of a deal to eat poorly if I am really that hungry. It sounds like it's normal.
So she talked about how this was our last appointment, but she suggested I see a high risk doctor instead of my regular OB's office. Since I am at a risk for developing gestational diabetes she says it's a good idea that I just see them so we can keep on top of it. The office is in the hospital as well, just three floors up from my RE, so when I left there I went upstairs and made my appt with them, I go this Friday to meet with the nurse. I have to remember to call my OB and cancel my appointments made with them. I am a little sad just since I am familiar with my gyn's office but I would have had to get a new OB anyway since my gyn doesn't deliver babies anymore. And it is easier to get to work from the hospital than my gyn's office.
Whew, now I can relax some....I hope I like my new OB. There are four doctors in that office, two women and two men. I would definitely feel more comfortable with one of the women. Both women have a short video on their bio so I'll watch it when I get home, maybe that will help me decide between the two of them, however likely I'll meet with all four in case my doctor isn't available on the day baby B decideds to come into the world.
I'll post a pic when I get home :)
Ryan went with me, which helped a lot, I know I would have been super nervous had he not been there. The tech paused for like 5 seconds before saying she saw a fetus and a heartbeat so of course I freaked for that whole five seconds, wondering if she was seeing something wrong. But everythng is fine and she didn't see any bleeding either.
When I was done she congratulated me and gave me a hug :)
After that we met with the doctor and I got a lecture for overdoing it on Saturday and spotting. I really didn't think walking and doing a few loads of laundry was overdoing it, but I guess in early pregnancy when you have a history of loss it's really important to rest. I'll have to really take it easy this week in cleaning the house for Christmas eve, I'll have to just do a little at a time.
So the doctor answered some of my questions....I told her it's tapering off but last week I was so hungry I wanted to eat a whole cow. I said I was trying hard to eat healthy but it's hard when you're that hungry. She just smiled and said welcome to pregnancy, so I guess maybe it's not as big of a deal to eat poorly if I am really that hungry. It sounds like it's normal.
So she talked about how this was our last appointment, but she suggested I see a high risk doctor instead of my regular OB's office. Since I am at a risk for developing gestational diabetes she says it's a good idea that I just see them so we can keep on top of it. The office is in the hospital as well, just three floors up from my RE, so when I left there I went upstairs and made my appt with them, I go this Friday to meet with the nurse. I have to remember to call my OB and cancel my appointments made with them. I am a little sad just since I am familiar with my gyn's office but I would have had to get a new OB anyway since my gyn doesn't deliver babies anymore. And it is easier to get to work from the hospital than my gyn's office.
Whew, now I can relax some....I hope I like my new OB. There are four doctors in that office, two women and two men. I would definitely feel more comfortable with one of the women. Both women have a short video on their bio so I'll watch it when I get home, maybe that will help me decide between the two of them, however likely I'll meet with all four in case my doctor isn't available on the day baby B decideds to come into the world.
I'll post a pic when I get home :)
Monday, December 17, 2012
Stress again- 8 wks
I really don't want to rush through my pregnancy, but I just really can't wait to get to second tri. The freak outs and pgal brain are really getting to me. I did quite a bit on Saturday, though not that much to call it overdoing it, but maybe I did, who knows. I walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes, did several loads of laundry and went and got lunch. I had a few more errands to run but got tired so I napped, and then I wrapped a few presents.
In late afternoon I started to get crampy....it wasn't horrible cramps, they were much like the ones I got in the first couple weeks, but it was concerning me that they were back to noticeable uncomfortable cramps since they had really mellowed out the last two weeks or so. So I was back to doing the constant "paranoid check" to make sure there wasn't any spotting. And of course on one of them, two small dots of light pink blood.....I freaked out a little but not too much. I immediately told my husband and then laid in bed with my feet up. So I was in bed from 9:30 Saturday night until about 10am Sunday.
I didn't bother calling the doctor because the last time when I thought I was spotting, they said just to take it easy and rest and it's probably nothing, so I just took the same advice. When I first saw the spotting there was nothing in the toilet, and there was only a tiny thread of blood on the toilet paper. As soon as I got into bed I put in my preogesterone for the night, and I use the presseed applicators so I can get them in deeper, and there was zero blood on the applicator, so I took that as a good sign.
Since Saturday night I have not had any more spotting, but the cramps still come and go, but like I said they're not awful, just more intense than they had been recently. I am pretty sure everything is ok....maybe I just overdid it Saturday and it irritated the cervix and caused a smidge of bleeding. I am also wondering if maybe after a couple week break, I am going through another growth spurt that is causing my uterus to stretch and cramp again. I just hate that I am back to being scared everytime I go to the bathroom....I was getting so much better and now I'm back at square one.
I'm just so glad my second ultrasound is tomorrow, so I don't have to wait long to get confirmation that everything is alright. However now I am even more nervous for it than I would be. But at least Ryan can go with me.
Ugh, I just can't wait for 9:15 to get here tomorrow morning.
In late afternoon I started to get crampy....it wasn't horrible cramps, they were much like the ones I got in the first couple weeks, but it was concerning me that they were back to noticeable uncomfortable cramps since they had really mellowed out the last two weeks or so. So I was back to doing the constant "paranoid check" to make sure there wasn't any spotting. And of course on one of them, two small dots of light pink blood.....I freaked out a little but not too much. I immediately told my husband and then laid in bed with my feet up. So I was in bed from 9:30 Saturday night until about 10am Sunday.
I didn't bother calling the doctor because the last time when I thought I was spotting, they said just to take it easy and rest and it's probably nothing, so I just took the same advice. When I first saw the spotting there was nothing in the toilet, and there was only a tiny thread of blood on the toilet paper. As soon as I got into bed I put in my preogesterone for the night, and I use the presseed applicators so I can get them in deeper, and there was zero blood on the applicator, so I took that as a good sign.
Since Saturday night I have not had any more spotting, but the cramps still come and go, but like I said they're not awful, just more intense than they had been recently. I am pretty sure everything is ok....maybe I just overdid it Saturday and it irritated the cervix and caused a smidge of bleeding. I am also wondering if maybe after a couple week break, I am going through another growth spurt that is causing my uterus to stretch and cramp again. I just hate that I am back to being scared everytime I go to the bathroom....I was getting so much better and now I'm back at square one.
I'm just so glad my second ultrasound is tomorrow, so I don't have to wait long to get confirmation that everything is alright. However now I am even more nervous for it than I would be. But at least Ryan can go with me.
Ugh, I just can't wait for 9:15 to get here tomorrow morning.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Appetite- 7 wks 3 days
I'm amazed....it's almost noon and I am not hungry for lunch. Of course that could easily change in a matter of minutes, but lately I have been starving by 11:15. I didn't even have a huge breakfast, just my usual two servings of honeynut cheerios and a cup of applesauce. Maybe the insane, insatiable hunger is tapering off. I really hope so because I don't know how I am going to keep my weight gain to a minimum when I turn into a monster and want to eat everything in sight. Come to think of it I wasn't super hungry for dinner last night either.
Tuesday was nuts....my boss took us out to lunch for her Christmas gift to us (awesome gift by the way, my old boss used to buy us stuff, let's just say her taste and the rest of the world's did not match up very well). I checked the menu the night before, there wasn't much in the way of healthy. Even salads and sandwhiches were over 1000 calories. I finally settled on half a chicken salad sandwhich and a bowl of chicken noodle soup, but that still came to like 750 calories. However on the way there, I was so stinkin' hungry if we had been in the country I might have been tempted to jump out of the car and devour a living cow right then and there. I decided my "low calorie" meal wasn't going to cut it.
Instead I had a delicious (and huge) cheeseburger with waffle fries. OMG, it was sooooo good, but honestly I wasn't all that full afterward. Not saying I wanted more, but I probably could have put away another 1/2 burger if my life depended on it. I didn't feel the slightest bit guilty either. I mean, if I devoured that huge burger and fries so easily, I am sure half a sandwhich and chicken noodle soup would have done nothing. I'm not even a big chicken noodle soup fan....
So yeah, hopefully this is a sign that I am getting back to a normal appetite. Ryan has to work both days this weekend, so maybe that means I can be productive and get to the gym both days. I have a hard time being productive when he is home, I don't know why. I think for dinner tomorrow, we need to go somewhere that has onion rings. It's the weirdest thing, since I got pregnant, onions smell sooooo good to me. I've always liked the flavor of onions, like if they're cooked in something, but never the actual onions and I always found the smell to be overpowering. But lately, yum. At lunch the other day a waitress walked by with a plate of onion rings and I wanted to follow her, so I'll have to see if they taste as good as they're smelling.
I went to the mall last night to get a new cell phone, and lookie what was right across the hall...a Motherhood Maternity store. I went in to browse for a few, the sales lady was really nice. I got such a good deal on my phone which is my Christmas present from my dad that I can afford to buy something else so I think I will get me some maternity pants this weekend. I am clearly not showing yet, but I need new black pants for work, and it doesn't make sense to buy regular ones, go to the trouble of hemming them and then do it all over again in a few months with maternity. Besides, days like this, maternity pants will be a God send. I am so bloated and uncomfortable today, and these pants are actually kind of big on me. So excited for cute maternity clothes.
Tuesday was nuts....my boss took us out to lunch for her Christmas gift to us (awesome gift by the way, my old boss used to buy us stuff, let's just say her taste and the rest of the world's did not match up very well). I checked the menu the night before, there wasn't much in the way of healthy. Even salads and sandwhiches were over 1000 calories. I finally settled on half a chicken salad sandwhich and a bowl of chicken noodle soup, but that still came to like 750 calories. However on the way there, I was so stinkin' hungry if we had been in the country I might have been tempted to jump out of the car and devour a living cow right then and there. I decided my "low calorie" meal wasn't going to cut it.
Instead I had a delicious (and huge) cheeseburger with waffle fries. OMG, it was sooooo good, but honestly I wasn't all that full afterward. Not saying I wanted more, but I probably could have put away another 1/2 burger if my life depended on it. I didn't feel the slightest bit guilty either. I mean, if I devoured that huge burger and fries so easily, I am sure half a sandwhich and chicken noodle soup would have done nothing. I'm not even a big chicken noodle soup fan....
So yeah, hopefully this is a sign that I am getting back to a normal appetite. Ryan has to work both days this weekend, so maybe that means I can be productive and get to the gym both days. I have a hard time being productive when he is home, I don't know why. I think for dinner tomorrow, we need to go somewhere that has onion rings. It's the weirdest thing, since I got pregnant, onions smell sooooo good to me. I've always liked the flavor of onions, like if they're cooked in something, but never the actual onions and I always found the smell to be overpowering. But lately, yum. At lunch the other day a waitress walked by with a plate of onion rings and I wanted to follow her, so I'll have to see if they taste as good as they're smelling.
I went to the mall last night to get a new cell phone, and lookie what was right across the hall...a Motherhood Maternity store. I went in to browse for a few, the sales lady was really nice. I got such a good deal on my phone which is my Christmas present from my dad that I can afford to buy something else so I think I will get me some maternity pants this weekend. I am clearly not showing yet, but I need new black pants for work, and it doesn't make sense to buy regular ones, go to the trouble of hemming them and then do it all over again in a few months with maternity. Besides, days like this, maternity pants will be a God send. I am so bloated and uncomfortable today, and these pants are actually kind of big on me. So excited for cute maternity clothes.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Weight- 7 wks
Arg, I know there is nothing I can do about the past, what's done is done. But I don't think there is a day that goes by that I don't kick myself for not losing this weight before now. I know hindsight is 20/20, but what was I doing all that time? Well, I know a good portion of it I was stressing out for not Oing, and then it would sabotage my weightloss because I was so stressed. But still, 18 months! I could have lost ALL of my weight in that time. We also could have got our finances straightened out and started saving money for the baby, but that's another entry.
I switched my WW goal to maintaince and I am having a harder time sticking to my goal than when I was trying to lose a pound a week. Either it's ALL in our heads (many women on the July board speak of unsatiable hunger and cravings) or nobody ever told us that hunger and cravings start so early. It can't be in my head, I mean...I know what bored eating feels like, I've had plenty of pratice. But this is actual stomach growling, uncomfortable hunger pains. And of course I do well most of the day, only to blow it later on. For breakfast I had a banana, milk and honeynut cheerios. For lunch I had a salad with chicken, and for dinner pasta salad. Ok the pasta wasn't great, but it was well within my points. But despite being stuffed from lunch, and having a snack of an apple and colby cheese around 4, I was starving while I was making dinner.
I did so well all day. In fact, when I first logged my food, I still had 11 points left for the day. Now I am certain I am in the hole. I'll be 7 weeks tomorrow. I'll hit second tri in 5 more weeks and I will be tested for gestational diabetes. I do not want to put myself through that.
So as much as I kick myself for not losing the weight before, it's absolutely stupid to continue down this path and gain more and continue to eat unhealthy. So with that being said, I am off to walk on the treadmill. Hopefully I can keep this up most days.
I switched my WW goal to maintaince and I am having a harder time sticking to my goal than when I was trying to lose a pound a week. Either it's ALL in our heads (many women on the July board speak of unsatiable hunger and cravings) or nobody ever told us that hunger and cravings start so early. It can't be in my head, I mean...I know what bored eating feels like, I've had plenty of pratice. But this is actual stomach growling, uncomfortable hunger pains. And of course I do well most of the day, only to blow it later on. For breakfast I had a banana, milk and honeynut cheerios. For lunch I had a salad with chicken, and for dinner pasta salad. Ok the pasta wasn't great, but it was well within my points. But despite being stuffed from lunch, and having a snack of an apple and colby cheese around 4, I was starving while I was making dinner.
I did so well all day. In fact, when I first logged my food, I still had 11 points left for the day. Now I am certain I am in the hole. I'll be 7 weeks tomorrow. I'll hit second tri in 5 more weeks and I will be tested for gestational diabetes. I do not want to put myself through that.
So as much as I kick myself for not losing the weight before, it's absolutely stupid to continue down this path and gain more and continue to eat unhealthy. So with that being said, I am off to walk on the treadmill. Hopefully I can keep this up most days.
Up North- 7 wks
Well we were supposed to go up north this weekend to visit my grandma and pick out our Christmas tree and cut it down (my dad has a tree farm). But my brother's girlfriend has to work Saturday so their weekend would be so limited they decided to just not go. Then I was paying bills today and things just aren't too pretty right now. It's not like going up north is super expensive, but if we can save the money we would spend on gas and eating out it makes sense to do so. My dad will just have to bring our tree home for us.
I'm bummed, but we decided to go at the end of January instead. We can ride with my brother and his gf and save some gas, and I will either be in second tri or close enough that we can tell my grandma and it will be ok if she tells others. I wanted to tell her this weekend, but my dad thought it might be hard for her to not tell. She isn't a gossip, and she hasn't "lost it" but her memory isn't what it used to be, and he thought it might be hard for her not to let it accidentally slip. So we can tell her then, and I have to say I'd much rather tell her in person.
My dad made me call her when I got engaged to tell her the news, and it was so awkward. My grandma and I don't chat on the phone, she's a woman of few words, and while I love her, we're not super close. Not like I was with my other grandma at all. So I was super nervous about calling her....I checked my phone log after the call, I think it was about one minute and 37 seconds, lol.
And not telling her myself is not an option, I said something about not telling her to my brother (I just meant not telling her right away, not in general) and his eyes got big and said "do you want to die"? Lol, my grandma does not like to hear news second hand. This will be her 15th great-grandchild! Holy moly....but really that's not a lot considering she's got 29 grandkids. So far the 14 are only from 7 grandkids. Once we're all old enough to have kids I'll bet the count will be somewhere in the 80's....I mean, if we all had two on average that would be 58.
We can also tell any aunts or uncles we run across while we're there. Unfortunately most of them will have to find out via facebook, my family is just too big to tell them all in person, but it will be nice if I can tell some while we're there.
I'm bummed, but we decided to go at the end of January instead. We can ride with my brother and his gf and save some gas, and I will either be in second tri or close enough that we can tell my grandma and it will be ok if she tells others. I wanted to tell her this weekend, but my dad thought it might be hard for her to not tell. She isn't a gossip, and she hasn't "lost it" but her memory isn't what it used to be, and he thought it might be hard for her not to let it accidentally slip. So we can tell her then, and I have to say I'd much rather tell her in person.
My dad made me call her when I got engaged to tell her the news, and it was so awkward. My grandma and I don't chat on the phone, she's a woman of few words, and while I love her, we're not super close. Not like I was with my other grandma at all. So I was super nervous about calling her....I checked my phone log after the call, I think it was about one minute and 37 seconds, lol.
And not telling her myself is not an option, I said something about not telling her to my brother (I just meant not telling her right away, not in general) and his eyes got big and said "do you want to die"? Lol, my grandma does not like to hear news second hand. This will be her 15th great-grandchild! Holy moly....but really that's not a lot considering she's got 29 grandkids. So far the 14 are only from 7 grandkids. Once we're all old enough to have kids I'll bet the count will be somewhere in the 80's....I mean, if we all had two on average that would be 58.
We can also tell any aunts or uncles we run across while we're there. Unfortunately most of them will have to find out via facebook, my family is just too big to tell them all in person, but it will be nice if I can tell some while we're there.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
First major scare- 6 wks 6 days
First, let me say everything is fine. But I about went into cardiac arrest today....I stopped at my dad's to get a few things before heading out shopping with my best friend. I had some time to kill before my friend was ready to go I used the bathroom while I was there.
I don't know what made me look....the constant "looking for blood" when going to the bathroom had seriously subsided in the last few weeks. But I don't know....it's so stupid, but sometimes I worry that the littlest thing will hurt my baby, like my cat walking on me and stepping on the baby. I know, completely irrational, and most days I can deal with it without feeling like I need to be in a bubble, but other days I feel very breakable. So anyway I looked, and to my horror there was bright red blood dripping into the toilet.
It wasn't a ton, but it was more than a drop or two, I'd say half a dozen or more. I instantly freaked out, started saying no no no no over and over.
I immediately grabbed my shit and left....I called my best friend and said I couldn't go shopping and told her why. She was really concerned, she said to call her once I knew anything. As soon as I hung up I called my husband to tell him what was happening. I was crying, I was so upset, I thought I was going through it all over again. So after I few minutes once I could compose myself, I called my RE, got the number for the oncall doctor's answering service and left a message with the receptionist. The oncall doctor called me back a few minutes later and I told him what was happening.
He said it's probably nothing, but to go home and be a "lady of leisure" as he said. Lay down with my feet up and make my husband do everything for the rest of the day. He said to call back if the bleeding got any worse, but to definitely call in the morning and give an update and they might want to do another ultrasound to make sure everything is ok.
I felt better after I talked to him but I was still nervous. As soon as I got home I used the bathroom again, there was nothing on the pad. Oh my God, I was so relieved. I cannot describe the fear I felt. I want this baby more than anything and the moments where I thought I was losing another one were so devastating. Despite being pretty certain what it was from, I decided to take it easy anyway. Maybe I didn't need it physically, but mentally I needed it badly.
My husband set up my computer in the bedroom for me and I just laid in bed and played on my computer for a while. I got hungry, and being the non-cook that my husband is, he ordered a pizza. I was really determined to eat well this week, but I decided after what I went through, pizza was very appropriate. After pizza I laid back down and took a nap. I did get up after a while and made a bunch of chicken and salad for lunches this week, but other than that I am still trying to take it pretty easy. I have to say, in retrospect I feel pretty silly and like I overreacted... but seeing it literally dripping into the toilet and the water turning red, I was certain it was bad news.
I was really looking forward to shopping with my friend, but she understood and said it's better to be safe than sorry. I think I really scared her too, she's so happy for me that I am pregnant and I know it would kill her to see me go through another loss. She texted as soon as I got home to see if I had heard anything and if there were any updates, and she told me she loved me :) I have the best friend in the world. And husband....he may really stink in the kitchen, but he took good care of me today.
I just hope this was my first and last major scare, I don't know how much my ticker can take.
I don't know what made me look....the constant "looking for blood" when going to the bathroom had seriously subsided in the last few weeks. But I don't know....it's so stupid, but sometimes I worry that the littlest thing will hurt my baby, like my cat walking on me and stepping on the baby. I know, completely irrational, and most days I can deal with it without feeling like I need to be in a bubble, but other days I feel very breakable. So anyway I looked, and to my horror there was bright red blood dripping into the toilet.
It wasn't a ton, but it was more than a drop or two, I'd say half a dozen or more. I instantly freaked out, started saying no no no no over and over.
I immediately grabbed my shit and left....I called my best friend and said I couldn't go shopping and told her why. She was really concerned, she said to call her once I knew anything. As soon as I hung up I called my husband to tell him what was happening. I was crying, I was so upset, I thought I was going through it all over again. So after I few minutes once I could compose myself, I called my RE, got the number for the oncall doctor's answering service and left a message with the receptionist. The oncall doctor called me back a few minutes later and I told him what was happening.
He said it's probably nothing, but to go home and be a "lady of leisure" as he said. Lay down with my feet up and make my husband do everything for the rest of the day. He said to call back if the bleeding got any worse, but to definitely call in the morning and give an update and they might want to do another ultrasound to make sure everything is ok.
I felt better after I talked to him but I was still nervous. As soon as I got home I used the bathroom again, there was nothing on the pad. Oh my God, I was so relieved. I cannot describe the fear I felt. I want this baby more than anything and the moments where I thought I was losing another one were so devastating. Despite being pretty certain what it was from, I decided to take it easy anyway. Maybe I didn't need it physically, but mentally I needed it badly.
My husband set up my computer in the bedroom for me and I just laid in bed and played on my computer for a while. I got hungry, and being the non-cook that my husband is, he ordered a pizza. I was really determined to eat well this week, but I decided after what I went through, pizza was very appropriate. After pizza I laid back down and took a nap. I did get up after a while and made a bunch of chicken and salad for lunches this week, but other than that I am still trying to take it pretty easy. I have to say, in retrospect I feel pretty silly and like I overreacted... but seeing it literally dripping into the toilet and the water turning red, I was certain it was bad news.
I was really looking forward to shopping with my friend, but she understood and said it's better to be safe than sorry. I think I really scared her too, she's so happy for me that I am pregnant and I know it would kill her to see me go through another loss. She texted as soon as I got home to see if I had heard anything and if there were any updates, and she told me she loved me :) I have the best friend in the world. And husband....he may really stink in the kitchen, but he took good care of me today.
I just hope this was my first and last major scare, I don't know how much my ticker can take.
Friday, December 7, 2012
One year- 6 wks 4 days
One year ago today was on of the top 10 worst days of my life, it's when we lost our first pregnancy. I of course still think about it....taking myself back to that day I can feel my heart breaking and I often think about the what if. We would have an almost 4 month old baby right now....I wonder if it was a boy or girl, though I had that dream a while back that it was a boy.
However despite the pain that this day was, I am so thankful to be pregnant today. I know today would be an absolutely awful day if not for the hope and joy that we're experiencing right now. That's not to say that this baby is replacing the other one, but being in a good place definitely helps me to not be in a really bad place today.
So, I'm trying not to dwell on it too much though...the paranoia is getting better but I am still nervous. I'll just be happy to have this milestone passed me. So it's Friday....the best, but worst day of the week. It's the best because, well of course because it is Friday. But I never feel like doing anything on Fridays, and the day just draaaaags and draaags.
I'm also really tired because I didn't fall asleep until 1:30 last night. I missed my nap and stayed up too late the last two nights, so I had to nap yesterday. Normally, a nap in the evening would ruin my sleep for the night, especially the two hour awesome nap I took yesterday. But with the first tri fatigue, I can easily take a nap and then go to bed two hours later and sleep just fine. But last night I was watching TV, I sneezed and it turned into a million sneezes and an itchy face. Usually when I go to bed the sneezes finally stop but they didn't. Anytime I would try breathing through my nose it would start them all over again and I wanted to rip my face off.
Finally I asked my husband to bring up his humidifier, so he set it up on my side of the bed and within half an hour my nose was clear and I could finally sleep. That thing was like a little miracle, I wish I had thought of it sooner. Today I feel fine...my allergies are so weird. One day I am miserable, the next I am fine. Not that I am complaining about being fine today, but I just wonder what happens to make me so sick for that time period.
However despite the pain that this day was, I am so thankful to be pregnant today. I know today would be an absolutely awful day if not for the hope and joy that we're experiencing right now. That's not to say that this baby is replacing the other one, but being in a good place definitely helps me to not be in a really bad place today.
So, I'm trying not to dwell on it too much though...the paranoia is getting better but I am still nervous. I'll just be happy to have this milestone passed me. So it's Friday....the best, but worst day of the week. It's the best because, well of course because it is Friday. But I never feel like doing anything on Fridays, and the day just draaaaags and draaags.
I'm also really tired because I didn't fall asleep until 1:30 last night. I missed my nap and stayed up too late the last two nights, so I had to nap yesterday. Normally, a nap in the evening would ruin my sleep for the night, especially the two hour awesome nap I took yesterday. But with the first tri fatigue, I can easily take a nap and then go to bed two hours later and sleep just fine. But last night I was watching TV, I sneezed and it turned into a million sneezes and an itchy face. Usually when I go to bed the sneezes finally stop but they didn't. Anytime I would try breathing through my nose it would start them all over again and I wanted to rip my face off.
Finally I asked my husband to bring up his humidifier, so he set it up on my side of the bed and within half an hour my nose was clear and I could finally sleep. That thing was like a little miracle, I wish I had thought of it sooner. Today I feel fine...my allergies are so weird. One day I am miserable, the next I am fine. Not that I am complaining about being fine today, but I just wonder what happens to make me so sick for that time period.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
First U/S- 6 wks 1 day
It went great, everything is fine :) Whew, I feel so much better. I told the tech I was nervous, so the second she put the wand in she said I see a fetus and a heartbeat so you can relax. Wow, I felt the weight of the world lift off me when she said that. I'm really going to miss my RE's office, everyone is so nice and caring there. Not that they aren't at my OB, but I just feel like they take extra special care of me. An OB probably doesn't see as many losses or high risk as the RE does, so I can picture a tech at an OB's office not being as considerate to tell me the very second she could that everything was fine.
So she did the measuring and all that and she printed out a picture. I can't stop looking at it....when she was all done she magnified the screen and let me see, I was surprised I could see as much as I could. I mean it's definitely tiny, but I could see the shape of the baby, I thought it would still be a little speck, even magnified. Later when I text my best friend she asked if I cried, lol no. I just sat there grinning like a fool. I don't seem to cry when it is appropriate, ie being proposed to, seeing two lines on a pregnancy test, seeing my baby for the first time via ultrasound. But no, give me a sappy commercial or even a friggin Christmas song and I get all choked up. So then I met with my doctor who did another exam. She said I am measuring right at 6 weeks. By my count I am 6 weeks 1 day but I expected that I could be off by a day.
She went over all of the stuff I cannot do, cannot eat. I'm pretty bummed about the no meat and no soft cheeses things....I had read that meat was fine as long as you nuked it first, and soft cheese was fine as long as it was made with paesturized milk, but she said no, none at all. I get the argument for not being too paranoid about things, but in all honesty we worked really hard to get pregnant. I would much rather err on the side of caution....I know the risk is low, but we're talking about my baby, for a frigging sandwhich. It would be one thing if eating it just risked me getting sick and not feeling well, but when it could risk my baby's life? Um yeah, I think I can go without. I'm just going to have to do some creative shopping to find out what I can eat for lunches and easy meals. Subway and Jimmy Johns are high on my list when I want something cheap and relatively healthy.
I have my second u/s in two weeks, so I will be 8 weeks by then. Then that's it, I am released to my OB. I called them today and they got me an appointment for two days after Christmas with the OB nurse, and then a week after that I see the OB. So far both of my appointments at the OB are for 7:30 in the morning, meaning I should only be an hour late to work. Since my boss is awesome, she lets me not take a lunch that day so I don't have to use any sick or vacation time. Hopefully I can skate through most of my appointments that way, saving vacation time for my maternity leave, and sick time for those days I just cannot peel myself out of bed. I just have to remember those days will get harder and harder in my third tri, so I have to try to come in when I can so I have more time off when I am feeling awful.
I text the picture to Ryan and all my friends when I left the office, and Ryan called me a bit later. I loved how excited he sounded in his voice. He was really upbeat....granted the last pregnancy didn't last very long at all, but he didn't want to talk about it much, didn't seem very excited. So I love how geeked he is. He said he IS coming to the next ultrasound, he doesn't care if his bosses are mad :) I hate to make his work life more difficult, but he deserves a few hours off to see his baby on the ultrasound for the first time for crying out loud.
So I sent out three calendar reminders to everyone at work about my next three appointments, and immediately my friend asks if I am pregnant. I think I did a decent job of lying....I wouldn't mind telling her, but I know it's very hard to keep secrets. As much as she may intend to, I could see her blabbing to at least one person, and then that person tells someone and so on. I feel good about this pregnancy, but 6 weeks is way too early to tell everyone at work. I am sure a lot of people will suspect, but hell they've been suspecting since the day we got married, it's just how it is when you're a woman of child bearing years. And really they can suspect all they want, but I don't have to tell them until I am ready.
Ah, well I'm going to spend a nice relaxing afternoon, content for now. Yeah being at work isn't very relaxing, but not much could ruin my mood right now. Now hopefully I can stay content for at least the next 10 days or so, before nerves start setting in for my next ultrasound. I also had better enjoy it, I doubt I will get another at my OB for quite a while....definitely won't be every two weeks, that's for sure.
So she did the measuring and all that and she printed out a picture. I can't stop looking at it....when she was all done she magnified the screen and let me see, I was surprised I could see as much as I could. I mean it's definitely tiny, but I could see the shape of the baby, I thought it would still be a little speck, even magnified. Later when I text my best friend she asked if I cried, lol no. I just sat there grinning like a fool. I don't seem to cry when it is appropriate, ie being proposed to, seeing two lines on a pregnancy test, seeing my baby for the first time via ultrasound. But no, give me a sappy commercial or even a friggin Christmas song and I get all choked up. So then I met with my doctor who did another exam. She said I am measuring right at 6 weeks. By my count I am 6 weeks 1 day but I expected that I could be off by a day.
She went over all of the stuff I cannot do, cannot eat. I'm pretty bummed about the no meat and no soft cheeses things....I had read that meat was fine as long as you nuked it first, and soft cheese was fine as long as it was made with paesturized milk, but she said no, none at all. I get the argument for not being too paranoid about things, but in all honesty we worked really hard to get pregnant. I would much rather err on the side of caution....I know the risk is low, but we're talking about my baby, for a frigging sandwhich. It would be one thing if eating it just risked me getting sick and not feeling well, but when it could risk my baby's life? Um yeah, I think I can go without. I'm just going to have to do some creative shopping to find out what I can eat for lunches and easy meals. Subway and Jimmy Johns are high on my list when I want something cheap and relatively healthy.
I have my second u/s in two weeks, so I will be 8 weeks by then. Then that's it, I am released to my OB. I called them today and they got me an appointment for two days after Christmas with the OB nurse, and then a week after that I see the OB. So far both of my appointments at the OB are for 7:30 in the morning, meaning I should only be an hour late to work. Since my boss is awesome, she lets me not take a lunch that day so I don't have to use any sick or vacation time. Hopefully I can skate through most of my appointments that way, saving vacation time for my maternity leave, and sick time for those days I just cannot peel myself out of bed. I just have to remember those days will get harder and harder in my third tri, so I have to try to come in when I can so I have more time off when I am feeling awful.
I text the picture to Ryan and all my friends when I left the office, and Ryan called me a bit later. I loved how excited he sounded in his voice. He was really upbeat....granted the last pregnancy didn't last very long at all, but he didn't want to talk about it much, didn't seem very excited. So I love how geeked he is. He said he IS coming to the next ultrasound, he doesn't care if his bosses are mad :) I hate to make his work life more difficult, but he deserves a few hours off to see his baby on the ultrasound for the first time for crying out loud.
So I sent out three calendar reminders to everyone at work about my next three appointments, and immediately my friend asks if I am pregnant. I think I did a decent job of lying....I wouldn't mind telling her, but I know it's very hard to keep secrets. As much as she may intend to, I could see her blabbing to at least one person, and then that person tells someone and so on. I feel good about this pregnancy, but 6 weeks is way too early to tell everyone at work. I am sure a lot of people will suspect, but hell they've been suspecting since the day we got married, it's just how it is when you're a woman of child bearing years. And really they can suspect all they want, but I don't have to tell them until I am ready.
Ah, well I'm going to spend a nice relaxing afternoon, content for now. Yeah being at work isn't very relaxing, but not much could ruin my mood right now. Now hopefully I can stay content for at least the next 10 days or so, before nerves start setting in for my next ultrasound. I also had better enjoy it, I doubt I will get another at my OB for quite a while....definitely won't be every two weeks, that's for sure.
Monday, December 3, 2012
6 weeks
It's the only good thing about Monday's, I get to graduate to a new week! Today hasn't been a good pregnancy day. I woke up this morning at 4am to pee and when I came back to bed I had a really intense cramp. It scared the hell out of me. Now that I am awake and coherent, yes it was a bad cramp, but I think it partly had to do with how bad I had to pee, and I do tend to get more intense cramps when I get up from sitting or laying down for a while, and being that I was half asleep it probably scared me more than it otherwise would.
So then I get to work and I'm just having a major case of the Monday's. I went from cold to hot, back to cold, back to hot....I was really hungry but I felt a little nauseas. I am guessing when morning sickness really hits I'll laugh at what I had this morning, but it made me feel icky nonetheless. Everyone was getting on my nerves, and I was really tired. I just wanted to go home and crawl back into bed. Feeling this way on Monday's is not uncommon for me, so I think it was just the usual crap, plus pregnancy crap added to it.
Tomorrow is my first ultrasound. I am excited, but also very nervous. I am used to getting my betas done every 4 days and having my fears eased with good numbers, so going 9 days without confirmation has been a little rough. I wish my husband could go with me but he has to work and they're real jerks about giving him time off. I'll be ok....I just can't wait to hear them say the baby looks great, the heartbeat it strong and it's measuring at 6 weeks 1 day. Well it could be 6 weeks....I ovulated that Monday so if we conceived that same day I'll be 6 weeks 1 day, but if it wasn't until the next day I'll be 6 weeks. I know it's silly and just an estimate, but I like our EDD of July 29th and I like moving up a new week on Monday's. We shall see.
I'm so happy Monday's are easy dinner night. All I have to do when I get home is vacuum real quick, load the dishwasher, throw some noodles on to boil and then curl up in my pj's. Tomorrow can't get here soon enough. I can sleep in about an hour tomorrow since my appt isn't until 9:15 but I'll probably be too nervous/excited to sleep in.
So then I get to work and I'm just having a major case of the Monday's. I went from cold to hot, back to cold, back to hot....I was really hungry but I felt a little nauseas. I am guessing when morning sickness really hits I'll laugh at what I had this morning, but it made me feel icky nonetheless. Everyone was getting on my nerves, and I was really tired. I just wanted to go home and crawl back into bed. Feeling this way on Monday's is not uncommon for me, so I think it was just the usual crap, plus pregnancy crap added to it.
Tomorrow is my first ultrasound. I am excited, but also very nervous. I am used to getting my betas done every 4 days and having my fears eased with good numbers, so going 9 days without confirmation has been a little rough. I wish my husband could go with me but he has to work and they're real jerks about giving him time off. I'll be ok....I just can't wait to hear them say the baby looks great, the heartbeat it strong and it's measuring at 6 weeks 1 day. Well it could be 6 weeks....I ovulated that Monday so if we conceived that same day I'll be 6 weeks 1 day, but if it wasn't until the next day I'll be 6 weeks. I know it's silly and just an estimate, but I like our EDD of July 29th and I like moving up a new week on Monday's. We shall see.
I'm so happy Monday's are easy dinner night. All I have to do when I get home is vacuum real quick, load the dishwasher, throw some noodles on to boil and then curl up in my pj's. Tomorrow can't get here soon enough. I can sleep in about an hour tomorrow since my appt isn't until 9:15 but I'll probably be too nervous/excited to sleep in.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
I call BS- 5 wks 2 days
I always have, but now that I am pregnant I officially call BS on any woman that claims to have gotten far in her pregnancy and not know she is pregnant (like 20 + weeks, I'll be generous). Now I know every pregnancy is different. but I am only 5 weeks and I've already got several symptoms....I cannot sit down for more than 5 minutes without falling asleep,off and on my uterus feels like someone is pumping it full of air, if I get up too quickly or even cough or sneeze I often get a cramp as if I just pulled a muscle, my acid reflux is acting up, my heart periodically races, and my nose is so sensitive I constantly have a headache from everyone's perfume and cologne at work, the kind you get when you breathe in too much cold air through your nose.
Now if I can feel all that at 5 weeks, how in the hell can these women claim they had no idea they were 35+ weeks pregnant? I would think that just about every woman on earth, at some point since they started having sex have thought to themselves, I'm having >insert symptom here< I wonder if I'm pregnant? If you're having sex, protected or not, it's always a possibility and I refuse to belive these women never at least considered the notion.
Alright moving on....so we told all of the grandparents-to-be this past weekend. It was a lot of fun to see their faces and reactions. My inlaws came over on Saturday, we somehow got through making and eating dinner before we gave them their picture frames. My MIL got hers open first and I was watching her face as she read it, and you could just see the comprehension cross her face in that two or three seconds, and then she was like oooooh, we're going to have a new babe!! She starting clapping and saying how excited she was. My FIL was happy, but like father like son, didn't give a huge reaction. She and I were talking about it later because I was saying how Ryan didn't react much when I told him, though I knew he wouldn't. She said her first husband was the reactor kinda guy, she said they found out on Christmas eve and he picked her up and was dancing around the house, but she said Joe is a lot less enthusiastic, which is exactly how Ryan is. I know they are excited, they are just not the ra-ra type people.
So we talked about baby stuff all night, she was telling Joe he has to come over and put our ceiling fan in the living room (resumably so when I am hot and huge and miserable this summer I can have some extra cool air), and Joe said he'll have to help Ryan put closet doors on in the future baby's room. For some reason the previous owners took the closet doors with them. My grandma gave us money to do the living room closet as part of our wedding gift because she knew how badly I wanted real closet doors before we would be having a lot of people over in the months before the wedding :) Hopefully Joe will also paint the baby room, I of course will not be doing it, and sorry to say, Ryan is not the best painter. Joe said he loves to paint as long as it's a completely empty room, which that will be. Sold, the job is his!
My dad and his girlfriend and her daughter came over Sunday, it was supposedly to celebrate their belated birthdays, so when they first got there I showed my dad the shelves I made him from pinterest, then gave Brenda her gift card to a restaurant. Then I gave my dad the frame, pretending it was just another birthday gift. He opened it and looked at it for a minute and then looked at me and said yeah? I said yeah....he thought maybe it just meant it was for sometime in the future, so he wanted to clarify before getting all excited. He showed it to Brenda and she just looked at it and nodded, and he goes "I'm gonna be a grandpa"! Suddenly she was like oooooh! I guess she hadn't seen the grandpa part of the frame. So then both got up and hugged us, they're really happy.
They're already talking about when they have to schedule their vacations this year so they're home around my due date and such. They were also taking mental inventory of the baby stuff they have, I think my dad says he has two cribs at home, and can maybe get a high chair. I don't want to come off as materialistic or snobbish, and I know we'll need all the help we can get, but when it comes to stuff for the nursery, I want new stuff. Stuff that matches that we pick out. I'm thrilled that my aunt gave me a bouncy thing and a swing, and some maternity clothes and Amanda said I can have a bunch of stuff. Toys, clothes as long as they're clean, learning things, stuff like that I am cool with. But part of being excited to be pregnant is the excitement in picking out a crib and a changing table and stroller and stuff. I have always dreamed of a beautiful nursery, I can picture myself in the room, rocking my little one to sleep. I don't want a room full of mis matched used crap.
Just like a bride dreams of picking out her wedding dress, I dream of a beautiful nursery for my little one. I guess maybe that makes me a snob, but that's how I feel. Maybe my feelings would change with a second kid, but for my first, part of picking out stuff that I love feels like my love for them...I only want the best. So while the material aspect is definitely a huge part of the reason, the other thing is safety and cleanliness. Certain things I want to be brand new so I know they are safe. The idea of my precious baby sleeping in a used crib kinda icks me out....plus you just never know how completely other people put something together, how old it is to know if it's been recalled or even just worn out over the years to the point something could go wrong. Especially a car seat, I would never ever ever accept a used car seat.
I'll put big ticket stuff on our registry and I know my inlaws will likely want to buy us something big like the crib or glider rocker or something but if we need to we'll buy some of it ourselves. And it's not like we've picked out super expensive stuff (yes I've been pinning baby stuff for months now). The crib I like it only $150, I think the glider rocker is around $100, I'm not sure how much the changing table is but it is a changing table/dresser which is multi functional! My cousin and his wife just had a baby a few months ago and their registry was insane....$400 crib, $400 travel system, $350 dresser. Though as I recall, they're wedding registry was just as nuts.
Eeek, I'm so excited to be able to shop. Thankfully it's all very overwhelming or I would be tempted to do it now. I think when the time comes, Ryan and I will go and start the registry by picking out the big things we want, like the nursery furniture, but then I'll be taking Amanda with me so she can help me with the things I really need, the things I don't need, etc. Thank God she went first with the kids.
Now if I can feel all that at 5 weeks, how in the hell can these women claim they had no idea they were 35+ weeks pregnant? I would think that just about every woman on earth, at some point since they started having sex have thought to themselves, I'm having >insert symptom here< I wonder if I'm pregnant? If you're having sex, protected or not, it's always a possibility and I refuse to belive these women never at least considered the notion.
Alright moving on....so we told all of the grandparents-to-be this past weekend. It was a lot of fun to see their faces and reactions. My inlaws came over on Saturday, we somehow got through making and eating dinner before we gave them their picture frames. My MIL got hers open first and I was watching her face as she read it, and you could just see the comprehension cross her face in that two or three seconds, and then she was like oooooh, we're going to have a new babe!! She starting clapping and saying how excited she was. My FIL was happy, but like father like son, didn't give a huge reaction. She and I were talking about it later because I was saying how Ryan didn't react much when I told him, though I knew he wouldn't. She said her first husband was the reactor kinda guy, she said they found out on Christmas eve and he picked her up and was dancing around the house, but she said Joe is a lot less enthusiastic, which is exactly how Ryan is. I know they are excited, they are just not the ra-ra type people.
So we talked about baby stuff all night, she was telling Joe he has to come over and put our ceiling fan in the living room (resumably so when I am hot and huge and miserable this summer I can have some extra cool air), and Joe said he'll have to help Ryan put closet doors on in the future baby's room. For some reason the previous owners took the closet doors with them. My grandma gave us money to do the living room closet as part of our wedding gift because she knew how badly I wanted real closet doors before we would be having a lot of people over in the months before the wedding :) Hopefully Joe will also paint the baby room, I of course will not be doing it, and sorry to say, Ryan is not the best painter. Joe said he loves to paint as long as it's a completely empty room, which that will be. Sold, the job is his!
My dad and his girlfriend and her daughter came over Sunday, it was supposedly to celebrate their belated birthdays, so when they first got there I showed my dad the shelves I made him from pinterest, then gave Brenda her gift card to a restaurant. Then I gave my dad the frame, pretending it was just another birthday gift. He opened it and looked at it for a minute and then looked at me and said yeah? I said yeah....he thought maybe it just meant it was for sometime in the future, so he wanted to clarify before getting all excited. He showed it to Brenda and she just looked at it and nodded, and he goes "I'm gonna be a grandpa"! Suddenly she was like oooooh! I guess she hadn't seen the grandpa part of the frame. So then both got up and hugged us, they're really happy.
They're already talking about when they have to schedule their vacations this year so they're home around my due date and such. They were also taking mental inventory of the baby stuff they have, I think my dad says he has two cribs at home, and can maybe get a high chair. I don't want to come off as materialistic or snobbish, and I know we'll need all the help we can get, but when it comes to stuff for the nursery, I want new stuff. Stuff that matches that we pick out. I'm thrilled that my aunt gave me a bouncy thing and a swing, and some maternity clothes and Amanda said I can have a bunch of stuff. Toys, clothes as long as they're clean, learning things, stuff like that I am cool with. But part of being excited to be pregnant is the excitement in picking out a crib and a changing table and stroller and stuff. I have always dreamed of a beautiful nursery, I can picture myself in the room, rocking my little one to sleep. I don't want a room full of mis matched used crap.
Just like a bride dreams of picking out her wedding dress, I dream of a beautiful nursery for my little one. I guess maybe that makes me a snob, but that's how I feel. Maybe my feelings would change with a second kid, but for my first, part of picking out stuff that I love feels like my love for them...I only want the best. So while the material aspect is definitely a huge part of the reason, the other thing is safety and cleanliness. Certain things I want to be brand new so I know they are safe. The idea of my precious baby sleeping in a used crib kinda icks me out....plus you just never know how completely other people put something together, how old it is to know if it's been recalled or even just worn out over the years to the point something could go wrong. Especially a car seat, I would never ever ever accept a used car seat.
I'll put big ticket stuff on our registry and I know my inlaws will likely want to buy us something big like the crib or glider rocker or something but if we need to we'll buy some of it ourselves. And it's not like we've picked out super expensive stuff (yes I've been pinning baby stuff for months now). The crib I like it only $150, I think the glider rocker is around $100, I'm not sure how much the changing table is but it is a changing table/dresser which is multi functional! My cousin and his wife just had a baby a few months ago and their registry was insane....$400 crib, $400 travel system, $350 dresser. Though as I recall, they're wedding registry was just as nuts.
Eeek, I'm so excited to be able to shop. Thankfully it's all very overwhelming or I would be tempted to do it now. I think when the time comes, Ryan and I will go and start the registry by picking out the big things we want, like the nursery furniture, but then I'll be taking Amanda with me so she can help me with the things I really need, the things I don't need, etc. Thank God she went first with the kids.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Beta #3-4 wks 5 days
My betas went up beautifully, 2178 up from 301!!! I'm so excited! I was pretty nervous since we are telling my inlaws today, so I was terrified of giving them the good news, and then get a call from my doctor saying they were dropping. I'm also glad the nurse called so early, my inlaws won't be here for another couple of hours. So happy!
Friday, November 23, 2012
First Milestone- 4 wks 4 days
We have surpassed our previous loss date, which was 4 weeks 3 days....I am 4 weeks 4 days today! It feels good to be passed that wretched day. Of course I know you're never really out of the woods, but it still makes me happy nonetheless.
I go for my third betas tomorrow, and my inlaws are coming over for dinner and they'll get the news. It was kind of awkward at Thanksgiving dinner last night....we hadn't planned on announcing because we thought there were going to be extra people there, like some of my SIL's friends, but it was just us, my inlaws and my BIL's parents. If we were further along I would have felt comfortable announcing in front of them, but not this early. Besides, I think grandparents should get the news alone and be able to bask in the news without a bunch of other people present.
So my SIL was asking me about our struggles since I had told my MIL she could share that news with her. I probably came off like I wasn't comfortable talking about it, which I totally would have been. I hope she didn't get that feeling, I didn't want to make her feel bad about bringing it up. I did specifically tell my MIL she could tell her. But since I am pregnant, it was just kind of weird to sit there and talk about it as if we're still trying. Oh well.
So since we won't be seeing SIL and BIL again until Christmas, we decided we won't tell them until then. I feel bad waiting that long, especially since my brother was one of the first to know, but it will be exciting to tell them on Christmas with their gifts and we won't see them in person again until then. I don't want to tell them over the phone.
I was thinking how things are kind of bittersweet...we've had a lot of good news since my grandparents died, which is something we need, good news. My cousin Rob is getting married next October, my brother bought his first house, and we're expecting of course (ha, I feel so old when I say that), but it's also sad that they won't be here to see it. I know there is nothing my grandparents would have liked more than to have lived long enough to see their youngest grandchild get married (my brother is divorced now, but Rob is the only one that has never been married) see Joe's house, and to see my kids. But I just have to believe that they are watching down on us from Heaven. I know they loved their kids, but they really were two people who were born to be grandparents.
At my grandma's funeral my uncle had said something my grandpa said when he went to visit him at the nursing home that day. He said he was talking about his four babies, and my uncle said that was us, his grandkids. Ugh geeze, that's making me tear up at my desk just thinking about it. The first time I took my grandma to see grandpa in the hospital, he was really upset when we first got there, he was sobbing in his bed and my grandma was trying to calm him down. She was like I'm here honey, and Amy is here too. He instantly calmed down some and was like oh Amy, and he reached out for my hand. She was like yep Amy brought me to see you. He was like oh she's such a good girl, aren't we lucky honey to have such wonderful grandkids, and my grandma said we sure are :) And it's true....I mean, not to toot my own horn, but we are all pretty good kids. All four of us own our own home, we all have good jobs, we're all married or in serious relationships and we all have a lot of education or the equivalent...like my cousin Rob didn't go to college but he worked his way up through the TSA and now is a Border Patrol Agent. Lynn is working on her nursing degree and Joe and I both have Master's degrees. Nothing makes me happier than to know my grandparents were proud of me.
Ok, enough sappy stuff. That would make me choke up anyway but being hormonal I'm likely to dissolve into a pile of tears if I don't think about something else. So today being Friday, we always eat out on Fridays. Normally Ryan is so burnt out after work, we just get fast food or order pizza. But he was off today so I asked if he wanted to go out to a nice dinner and celebrate baby B. We hadn't done that yet considering it was so early, but now that we've surpassed the previous loss date, I feel better about it. Like I said, we're never out of the woods, but at some point you have to decide to be happy that you are pregnant TODAY and think rationally. As much as I might have bad feelings or get scared from time to time, I want to enjoy this pregnancy as much as I can and not live in fear. So I think we're going to one of the steakhouses....a big juicy steak sounds soooo good right now. I like Thanksgiving so we can see family and stuff, but I could really care less about the food. It really does nothing for me...everyone talks about going back for seconds, but aside from the rolls I don't think I finished a single thing on my plate. Now the desserts, those were good :) But yeah, I could give up a traditional thanksgiving meal for the rest of my life, bring on the steak!
I go for my third betas tomorrow, and my inlaws are coming over for dinner and they'll get the news. It was kind of awkward at Thanksgiving dinner last night....we hadn't planned on announcing because we thought there were going to be extra people there, like some of my SIL's friends, but it was just us, my inlaws and my BIL's parents. If we were further along I would have felt comfortable announcing in front of them, but not this early. Besides, I think grandparents should get the news alone and be able to bask in the news without a bunch of other people present.
So my SIL was asking me about our struggles since I had told my MIL she could share that news with her. I probably came off like I wasn't comfortable talking about it, which I totally would have been. I hope she didn't get that feeling, I didn't want to make her feel bad about bringing it up. I did specifically tell my MIL she could tell her. But since I am pregnant, it was just kind of weird to sit there and talk about it as if we're still trying. Oh well.
So since we won't be seeing SIL and BIL again until Christmas, we decided we won't tell them until then. I feel bad waiting that long, especially since my brother was one of the first to know, but it will be exciting to tell them on Christmas with their gifts and we won't see them in person again until then. I don't want to tell them over the phone.
I was thinking how things are kind of bittersweet...we've had a lot of good news since my grandparents died, which is something we need, good news. My cousin Rob is getting married next October, my brother bought his first house, and we're expecting of course (ha, I feel so old when I say that), but it's also sad that they won't be here to see it. I know there is nothing my grandparents would have liked more than to have lived long enough to see their youngest grandchild get married (my brother is divorced now, but Rob is the only one that has never been married) see Joe's house, and to see my kids. But I just have to believe that they are watching down on us from Heaven. I know they loved their kids, but they really were two people who were born to be grandparents.
At my grandma's funeral my uncle had said something my grandpa said when he went to visit him at the nursing home that day. He said he was talking about his four babies, and my uncle said that was us, his grandkids. Ugh geeze, that's making me tear up at my desk just thinking about it. The first time I took my grandma to see grandpa in the hospital, he was really upset when we first got there, he was sobbing in his bed and my grandma was trying to calm him down. She was like I'm here honey, and Amy is here too. He instantly calmed down some and was like oh Amy, and he reached out for my hand. She was like yep Amy brought me to see you. He was like oh she's such a good girl, aren't we lucky honey to have such wonderful grandkids, and my grandma said we sure are :) And it's true....I mean, not to toot my own horn, but we are all pretty good kids. All four of us own our own home, we all have good jobs, we're all married or in serious relationships and we all have a lot of education or the equivalent...like my cousin Rob didn't go to college but he worked his way up through the TSA and now is a Border Patrol Agent. Lynn is working on her nursing degree and Joe and I both have Master's degrees. Nothing makes me happier than to know my grandparents were proud of me.
Ok, enough sappy stuff. That would make me choke up anyway but being hormonal I'm likely to dissolve into a pile of tears if I don't think about something else. So today being Friday, we always eat out on Fridays. Normally Ryan is so burnt out after work, we just get fast food or order pizza. But he was off today so I asked if he wanted to go out to a nice dinner and celebrate baby B. We hadn't done that yet considering it was so early, but now that we've surpassed the previous loss date, I feel better about it. Like I said, we're never out of the woods, but at some point you have to decide to be happy that you are pregnant TODAY and think rationally. As much as I might have bad feelings or get scared from time to time, I want to enjoy this pregnancy as much as I can and not live in fear. So I think we're going to one of the steakhouses....a big juicy steak sounds soooo good right now. I like Thanksgiving so we can see family and stuff, but I could really care less about the food. It really does nothing for me...everyone talks about going back for seconds, but aside from the rolls I don't think I finished a single thing on my plate. Now the desserts, those were good :) But yeah, I could give up a traditional thanksgiving meal for the rest of my life, bring on the steak!
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
A tad bit nervous-UPDATED- 4wks 1 day
UPDATE: I finally got my results, betas are 301 which is more than quadrupled from Friday's 54!!! Whew, what a relief. They don't check progesterone after the first draw, plus they have me on suppositories so I can't imagine how that would drop. She said my TSH is slightly elevated at 4.11 so upping my synthroid from 50mcs to 75 wasn't enough, so she's calling in an rx to up it to 100. But overall, awesome news. I go in on saturday for my third and final betas and then my first ultrasound and appointment with my doctor is two weeks from today, I'm so excited!
I knew I was nervous to hear the results of my second betas today, but I had no idea I was THAT nervous. My phone just lit up and while I waited to two seconds for the number to show, my heart shot up into my throat. It wasn't my RE, some wrong number but man was my heart pounding. I really didn't think I was that insane with anxiety.
I took my last FRER today, just to ease my mind while I waited for results. The test line was darker than the control, so that definitely helped push some of my fears away. But it's weird...its like if I just don't know, I feel like everything will be fine, but I am so afraid of getting that call that my numbers haven't doubled.
I just read on TB that most ladies who are on progesterone supplements are on them for almost the entire first tri. Eh, great. Don't get me wrong, I am MORE than willing to do whatever it takes for a healthy pregnancy, but they are a bit of a pain. On week days I have to wake up half an hour early so I can put it in and then lay in bed for 30 minutes (ok so that part isn't so bad). At night it's not bad at all, I just pop one in and lay on the couch or bed and watch TV. I'll survive. Though I gave myself a heart attack last night. During the day a pantyliner is plenty of catch any dribble, but right after inserting them I really need to use a real pad to catch most of it. So last night I was wearing only a pantyliner and it was saturated enough to show the color of my undies through the liner, so of course when I went to the bathroom, the first thing my brain saw when I looked at the liner was red. Man, that was a scary 10 seconds before I realized what was going on.
I'm really loving how into this pregnancy my husband has been. Geeze, that makes him sound like a douche...but given how distant he was last time and how I figured these early stages wouldn't impact him much, it's really cute to see him asking questions. I'm trying really hard to keep a cleaner house....I just get overwhelmed and lazy and just let it all go way too often. I really want to become more on top of things and cleaner once LO comes. I mean it's one thing to be able to see visible cat hair on the rug right now, but when we have a LO crawling around on the floor, um no.
So I made a schedule of something I have to do everyday. Since I was too tired to mop the floors on Sunday, I had to mop the floors and vacuum the rugs last night. When MH came upstairs and saw me cleaning he hugged me and in a teasing voice he was like are you nesting? Lol, I think its a smidge too early for that. Then last night when he came to bed he asked what happaned with our LO that day, cause my journal gives a play by play of what's happening each day. It said our LO's heart started beating yesterday or the day before :)
My cramps are becoming way less frequent. Yesterday and today I haven't felt them much at all through out the day, but when I do feel them they are more intense. But, it's usually after I've been sitting for a while and I get up and walk around for a few minutes, I'll usually get a rather intense cramp right then. So I am attributing that to the fact that I changed positions so it is likely stretching my ute that is already undergoing a lot of changes. At least I hope that's what it means.
I knew I was nervous to hear the results of my second betas today, but I had no idea I was THAT nervous. My phone just lit up and while I waited to two seconds for the number to show, my heart shot up into my throat. It wasn't my RE, some wrong number but man was my heart pounding. I really didn't think I was that insane with anxiety.
I took my last FRER today, just to ease my mind while I waited for results. The test line was darker than the control, so that definitely helped push some of my fears away. But it's weird...its like if I just don't know, I feel like everything will be fine, but I am so afraid of getting that call that my numbers haven't doubled.
I just read on TB that most ladies who are on progesterone supplements are on them for almost the entire first tri. Eh, great. Don't get me wrong, I am MORE than willing to do whatever it takes for a healthy pregnancy, but they are a bit of a pain. On week days I have to wake up half an hour early so I can put it in and then lay in bed for 30 minutes (ok so that part isn't so bad). At night it's not bad at all, I just pop one in and lay on the couch or bed and watch TV. I'll survive. Though I gave myself a heart attack last night. During the day a pantyliner is plenty of catch any dribble, but right after inserting them I really need to use a real pad to catch most of it. So last night I was wearing only a pantyliner and it was saturated enough to show the color of my undies through the liner, so of course when I went to the bathroom, the first thing my brain saw when I looked at the liner was red. Man, that was a scary 10 seconds before I realized what was going on.
I'm really loving how into this pregnancy my husband has been. Geeze, that makes him sound like a douche...but given how distant he was last time and how I figured these early stages wouldn't impact him much, it's really cute to see him asking questions. I'm trying really hard to keep a cleaner house....I just get overwhelmed and lazy and just let it all go way too often. I really want to become more on top of things and cleaner once LO comes. I mean it's one thing to be able to see visible cat hair on the rug right now, but when we have a LO crawling around on the floor, um no.
So I made a schedule of something I have to do everyday. Since I was too tired to mop the floors on Sunday, I had to mop the floors and vacuum the rugs last night. When MH came upstairs and saw me cleaning he hugged me and in a teasing voice he was like are you nesting? Lol, I think its a smidge too early for that. Then last night when he came to bed he asked what happaned with our LO that day, cause my journal gives a play by play of what's happening each day. It said our LO's heart started beating yesterday or the day before :)
My cramps are becoming way less frequent. Yesterday and today I haven't felt them much at all through out the day, but when I do feel them they are more intense. But, it's usually after I've been sitting for a while and I get up and walk around for a few minutes, I'll usually get a rather intense cramp right then. So I am attributing that to the fact that I changed positions so it is likely stretching my ute that is already undergoing a lot of changes. At least I hope that's what it means.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Two down, six to go- 4 wks
I told my best friend and my brother yesterday. I don't know if it was nerves from that, or if it was a coincidence but my cramps were really freaking me out yesterday. The past couple days I had felt more content with them, but yesterday they kept scaring me, and I don't think they are really getting any worse.
I think it was a combo of a few things....1. I was freaked about announcing it to people. I've noticed when I think about announcing, I feel a lot of nervous butterflies, and then it mixes with the cramps and it makes everything feel worse. I am afraid that I will be this dumb girl, running around so happy that she's pregnant and then the happy police will decide I am too happy and take it away. I know, that's ridiculous, but it's always in the back of my mind.
2. Is the fact that I started those progesterone suppositories the other day. They are quite messy....most of the oozing happens after I put it in and when I first get up, but to some degree there is some leakage all through out the day so between the cramps and feeling something leaking out, it's just too much. I make several panic runs to the bathroom to check. The bottle says there are two refills, but I am really hoping I won't have to take them after this bottle, and hopefully by then the cramps will be gone.
So I am 4 weeks today! I am so glad to be out of the 3's, that just seemed way too super early. But I'll feel much better when I get to week 5, that will mean I surpassed my last loss date of 4w 3 days. I go for my next betas tomorrow, I am sooo nervous. The first ones were 54 so tomorrow's should be around 216 ish. I know I will be a nervous wreck until I get the phone call but I just have to keep reminding myself millions of women get pregnant with their sticky babies all the time, and I deserve a sticky baby. Not that I didn't last year, but sometimes I can't get the thought out of my head that I will ever get it so I need to keep reminding myself that it happens for tons of people so there is a very good chance that this will be it for us.
Besides I just feel better this time around. Last time I really had no reason to worry, but I did anyway from the moment I got the positive test. It's like I knew the entire time something wasn't right....even Ryan didn't want to talk about it much but this time even just in the past couple days since we found out he has seemed way more involved. Yesterday he saw my pregnancy journal that I had bought last year...I decided to be brave and start writing in it and he asked what it was, then he started reading a few pages and said how cool it was that you could read what was happening each day. I also braved the gym yesterday....that is not something I would have even dared to consider last time only 4 days after finding out.
So maybe we both had a feeling it wasn't meant to be last time, but it is this time. So I met my best friend for lunch yesterday, once she got settled and got her kids coats off and stuff, I said "I have news"! She perked up and gave me a look of anticipation so I am quite sure she knew at that point what the news was, so when I squealed , 'I'm pregnant" she started clapping and saying yay yay yay over and over. We were at a restaurant so she couldn't just scream out, lol. She's really really excited for us. So her oldest will be 4 years older than mine and her youngest will be about a year and a half older. That's pretty good, Mason can be like the big brother and watch over the two little ones like my brother did for me and my cousins, and then maybe my kiddo and Nolan can be pretty good buds.
So then my brother came over last night to watch Dexter. I was about to tell him and he was like I've got to go to the bathroom...so when he came back I started to tell him again and he was like, oh I need some water. I was thinking ah, just friggin sit down already, lol. I don't know why, but both times I was soooo nervous to tell. Maybe nervous isn't the word, but anxious and excited. So finally I said, "So I know your friend's girls already call you Uncle Joe, but are you ready to be an uncle for real?" You could see the question go across his face as he figured out what I meant, then his face lit up and he said really? It was really cute.
His girlfriend couldn't make it over last night so he called her a bit later. He was going to give me the phone to tell her but I told him to do it. Expecting your first neice of nephew is a pretty big deal, so I wanted him to be able to share the news. So he told her "in about 8 months I'm going to be an uncle" and I heard her squeal on the other end of the phone, lol. She said she's voting girl, lol. That was a pretty funny conversation, he was like you realize this isn't really a voting situation right? She's quite the girly girl though so I know she would love for me to have a girl she can play with. I don't know what I want....I'm equally geeked about either one, and my husband said the same. Though I know his dad will be gunning for a boy.
Two of his six grandchildren are boys, but they are MH's sisters' kids, so none of them will carry on our name. My FIL has two brothers and they all had girls, so our kids are my FIL's last hope for a boy to carry on the name. I would love it if we ended up with one of each.
My dad's girlfriend got back to me today about having them over for dinner, it'll be next Sunday. I told them we wanted to have them over for their birthdays (my dad's was the 2nd, hers is today) so it's the perfect cover to have them over and give them gifts. Thank God this is a short week because I will be dying for this weekend to get here. We're having my inlaws over on Saturday for dinner to tell them, so it will be a very exciting, busy weekend. It would have been great to announce at Thanksgiving but there will be too many extra people there.
I think it was a combo of a few things....1. I was freaked about announcing it to people. I've noticed when I think about announcing, I feel a lot of nervous butterflies, and then it mixes with the cramps and it makes everything feel worse. I am afraid that I will be this dumb girl, running around so happy that she's pregnant and then the happy police will decide I am too happy and take it away. I know, that's ridiculous, but it's always in the back of my mind.
2. Is the fact that I started those progesterone suppositories the other day. They are quite messy....most of the oozing happens after I put it in and when I first get up, but to some degree there is some leakage all through out the day so between the cramps and feeling something leaking out, it's just too much. I make several panic runs to the bathroom to check. The bottle says there are two refills, but I am really hoping I won't have to take them after this bottle, and hopefully by then the cramps will be gone.
So I am 4 weeks today! I am so glad to be out of the 3's, that just seemed way too super early. But I'll feel much better when I get to week 5, that will mean I surpassed my last loss date of 4w 3 days. I go for my next betas tomorrow, I am sooo nervous. The first ones were 54 so tomorrow's should be around 216 ish. I know I will be a nervous wreck until I get the phone call but I just have to keep reminding myself millions of women get pregnant with their sticky babies all the time, and I deserve a sticky baby. Not that I didn't last year, but sometimes I can't get the thought out of my head that I will ever get it so I need to keep reminding myself that it happens for tons of people so there is a very good chance that this will be it for us.
Besides I just feel better this time around. Last time I really had no reason to worry, but I did anyway from the moment I got the positive test. It's like I knew the entire time something wasn't right....even Ryan didn't want to talk about it much but this time even just in the past couple days since we found out he has seemed way more involved. Yesterday he saw my pregnancy journal that I had bought last year...I decided to be brave and start writing in it and he asked what it was, then he started reading a few pages and said how cool it was that you could read what was happening each day. I also braved the gym yesterday....that is not something I would have even dared to consider last time only 4 days after finding out.
So maybe we both had a feeling it wasn't meant to be last time, but it is this time. So I met my best friend for lunch yesterday, once she got settled and got her kids coats off and stuff, I said "I have news"! She perked up and gave me a look of anticipation so I am quite sure she knew at that point what the news was, so when I squealed , 'I'm pregnant" she started clapping and saying yay yay yay over and over. We were at a restaurant so she couldn't just scream out, lol. She's really really excited for us. So her oldest will be 4 years older than mine and her youngest will be about a year and a half older. That's pretty good, Mason can be like the big brother and watch over the two little ones like my brother did for me and my cousins, and then maybe my kiddo and Nolan can be pretty good buds.
So then my brother came over last night to watch Dexter. I was about to tell him and he was like I've got to go to the bathroom...so when he came back I started to tell him again and he was like, oh I need some water. I was thinking ah, just friggin sit down already, lol. I don't know why, but both times I was soooo nervous to tell. Maybe nervous isn't the word, but anxious and excited. So finally I said, "So I know your friend's girls already call you Uncle Joe, but are you ready to be an uncle for real?" You could see the question go across his face as he figured out what I meant, then his face lit up and he said really? It was really cute.
His girlfriend couldn't make it over last night so he called her a bit later. He was going to give me the phone to tell her but I told him to do it. Expecting your first neice of nephew is a pretty big deal, so I wanted him to be able to share the news. So he told her "in about 8 months I'm going to be an uncle" and I heard her squeal on the other end of the phone, lol. She said she's voting girl, lol. That was a pretty funny conversation, he was like you realize this isn't really a voting situation right? She's quite the girly girl though so I know she would love for me to have a girl she can play with. I don't know what I want....I'm equally geeked about either one, and my husband said the same. Though I know his dad will be gunning for a boy.
Two of his six grandchildren are boys, but they are MH's sisters' kids, so none of them will carry on our name. My FIL has two brothers and they all had girls, so our kids are my FIL's last hope for a boy to carry on the name. I would love it if we ended up with one of each.
My dad's girlfriend got back to me today about having them over for dinner, it'll be next Sunday. I told them we wanted to have them over for their birthdays (my dad's was the 2nd, hers is today) so it's the perfect cover to have them over and give them gifts. Thank God this is a short week because I will be dying for this weekend to get here. We're having my inlaws over on Saturday for dinner to tell them, so it will be a very exciting, busy weekend. It would have been great to announce at Thanksgiving but there will be too many extra people there.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Darker lines-3 wks 5 days
I'm so excited, the lines were much darker today. I cracked and bought another box of FRERs yesterday, though I guess I didn't realize they were $12.99 so my peeing on sticks addiction will be ending once those are gone. So I used one this morning and the test line popped up even before the color finished running across to the control line. It was so reassuring to see that. I also decided to take a digi today, I still had one left over from the box I used last year, and I have another box with either two or three tests in it.
Pregnant popped in less than a minute I think, whereas last year it took several minutes. I guess that is a good sign. I started my progesterone suppositories last night. Ugh, those are such a mess, but I knew they would be. For a very very brief time I used these spermacide suppositories (back when I thought I needed a whole arsenal of BC, ha, how little did I know back then). Of course what goes up, comes back down. I remember one time I used them, then I got up the next morning as my boyfriend at the time was leaving. Within a minute of him walking out the door, I felt a gush and I looked down and the entire crotch of my jeans was soaked as if it had just peed my pants. Wow, thank God he wasn't there to see that.
Anyway, I put it in just pushing it with my finger last night but I couldn't get it very far in and I could feel it for several minutes until it started to "melt". They're not very big, but it felt like when a tampon is out of place, just not comfortable. So when I did today's, I got the idea to use one of the applicators leftover from the preseed. Brilliant! Worked like a charm.
I don't mind using them on the weekend because I can obviously wake up whenever and lay in bed for half an hour afterwards, but it's going to suck doing them in the morning on work days. But, if they will help ensure a healthy and safe pregnancy I will do them of course. I would do just about anything to ensure that.
I heard back from my aunt today, I emailed her with the good news a few days ago. She is so happy for us, she said my news made her day. I am so glad to have her in my life. She's actually my great aunt, she's my grandpa's sister. I never met her (aside from when I was in daipers I guess) until about 10 years ago. She came to visit (she lives in Hawaii) so I went out to lunch with her and my mom and grandma. She and I hit it off and we've kept in touch via email since. Her daughter, which I guess would be my second cousin (????) started emailing me too and then they both came to Michigan for our wedding so I got to officially meet my cousin and I spent some time with them both.
They knew about the last pregnancy so I couldn't wait to tell them our news. They love being included in things like this because aside from her son who also lives in Hawaii they have no other family out there and cannot visit often since it's such a long, expensive trip. I also love that she is a connection to my grandpa. I miss him and my grandma so much, and I so wish I could pick up the phone and call them and tell them about my news. But my MIL told me something back when I told her our bad news about my IF and our loss....she believes that babies start off in Heaven before they come here, so in that sense my mom and grandparents have already met him/her. I can't say if I share that believe or not, but it's a nice thought.
Oh speaking of him or her, my TTC, er now she's my pregnancy BFF told me she had a vision that I would have a boy and she is having a girl. I'm so anxious for the time to come when we'll fine out, and see if her prediction is right. For a long time I wanted a little girl first because I wanted one so bad. I felt like if I had her first, I could then relax and not worry about what the second one will be....a boy and have one of each would be cool, but two girls would be nice too (two boys scares the hell out of me, I am afraid they will be loud and messy like their father, lol). But now I really don't care. Ideally one of each would be great, but I am just so happy to be pregnant, I would be equally happy with either one.
If we have a boy, he will be Joseph Francis. Joe is after MH's dad, but also my brother since he is Joe as well, and kind of my dad. My dad is Victor Joseph, but as a kid my grandparents couldn't see calling a little baby Victor (why they named him that I have no clue) so he grew up as Joe. But he had a nun in school that made him go by his given name, so he kind of became both. When he met my mom he introduced himself as Vic, so to my mom's side of the family they all know him as Vic, but on his side he is Joe.
Francis was my grandpa's middle name. As much as I love my grandpa, I just could not use his first name, which was Elmer. I am sure that one is self explanatory. I also think Francis just goes so well with the Joseph. If it's a girl, she'll be Kayla Kathryn. I have to admit, I am not a huge fan of Kayla, but MH loves it. In fact he told me on our second date that if he ever has a girl he wants to name her Kayla. I don't dislike it, it's just not my favorite name. I think one of the issues I have with it, is it sounds so juvenile. I can't picture a 25 year old woman named Kayla. But I became much more on board with it when I realized to sound more mature she could go by Kay.
I also don't love the alliteration of the two K's, but it's not horrible by any means. Kathryn will be after my mom. She was Kathy, that was her full name and obviously Kathy isn't really a suitable middle name but by spelling Kathryn with a Y, it's like my mom's name is "in it". My favorite name in the whole world is Emily. I just think it's so classic and beautiful. I know it's supposedly pretty popular, but I haven't met a lot of baby Emily's and it's just one of those names that will never go out of style, unlike some of the super trendy names that are popular right now. But, maybe if we have two girls someday. I've come to the conclusion that MH loves the name Kayla more than I dislike it, so Kayla it is.
I think we will hold off on telling our names to most people until the baby is born. When it's not yet attached to a person, people seem to think they have the green light to criticize a name. We'll tell our close friends and family of course, but strangers and co-workers can wait.
Pregnant popped in less than a minute I think, whereas last year it took several minutes. I guess that is a good sign. I started my progesterone suppositories last night. Ugh, those are such a mess, but I knew they would be. For a very very brief time I used these spermacide suppositories (back when I thought I needed a whole arsenal of BC, ha, how little did I know back then). Of course what goes up, comes back down. I remember one time I used them, then I got up the next morning as my boyfriend at the time was leaving. Within a minute of him walking out the door, I felt a gush and I looked down and the entire crotch of my jeans was soaked as if it had just peed my pants. Wow, thank God he wasn't there to see that.
Anyway, I put it in just pushing it with my finger last night but I couldn't get it very far in and I could feel it for several minutes until it started to "melt". They're not very big, but it felt like when a tampon is out of place, just not comfortable. So when I did today's, I got the idea to use one of the applicators leftover from the preseed. Brilliant! Worked like a charm.
I don't mind using them on the weekend because I can obviously wake up whenever and lay in bed for half an hour afterwards, but it's going to suck doing them in the morning on work days. But, if they will help ensure a healthy and safe pregnancy I will do them of course. I would do just about anything to ensure that.
I heard back from my aunt today, I emailed her with the good news a few days ago. She is so happy for us, she said my news made her day. I am so glad to have her in my life. She's actually my great aunt, she's my grandpa's sister. I never met her (aside from when I was in daipers I guess) until about 10 years ago. She came to visit (she lives in Hawaii) so I went out to lunch with her and my mom and grandma. She and I hit it off and we've kept in touch via email since. Her daughter, which I guess would be my second cousin (????) started emailing me too and then they both came to Michigan for our wedding so I got to officially meet my cousin and I spent some time with them both.
They knew about the last pregnancy so I couldn't wait to tell them our news. They love being included in things like this because aside from her son who also lives in Hawaii they have no other family out there and cannot visit often since it's such a long, expensive trip. I also love that she is a connection to my grandpa. I miss him and my grandma so much, and I so wish I could pick up the phone and call them and tell them about my news. But my MIL told me something back when I told her our bad news about my IF and our loss....she believes that babies start off in Heaven before they come here, so in that sense my mom and grandparents have already met him/her. I can't say if I share that believe or not, but it's a nice thought.
Oh speaking of him or her, my TTC, er now she's my pregnancy BFF told me she had a vision that I would have a boy and she is having a girl. I'm so anxious for the time to come when we'll fine out, and see if her prediction is right. For a long time I wanted a little girl first because I wanted one so bad. I felt like if I had her first, I could then relax and not worry about what the second one will be....a boy and have one of each would be cool, but two girls would be nice too (two boys scares the hell out of me, I am afraid they will be loud and messy like their father, lol). But now I really don't care. Ideally one of each would be great, but I am just so happy to be pregnant, I would be equally happy with either one.
If we have a boy, he will be Joseph Francis. Joe is after MH's dad, but also my brother since he is Joe as well, and kind of my dad. My dad is Victor Joseph, but as a kid my grandparents couldn't see calling a little baby Victor (why they named him that I have no clue) so he grew up as Joe. But he had a nun in school that made him go by his given name, so he kind of became both. When he met my mom he introduced himself as Vic, so to my mom's side of the family they all know him as Vic, but on his side he is Joe.
Francis was my grandpa's middle name. As much as I love my grandpa, I just could not use his first name, which was Elmer. I am sure that one is self explanatory. I also think Francis just goes so well with the Joseph. If it's a girl, she'll be Kayla Kathryn. I have to admit, I am not a huge fan of Kayla, but MH loves it. In fact he told me on our second date that if he ever has a girl he wants to name her Kayla. I don't dislike it, it's just not my favorite name. I think one of the issues I have with it, is it sounds so juvenile. I can't picture a 25 year old woman named Kayla. But I became much more on board with it when I realized to sound more mature she could go by Kay.
I also don't love the alliteration of the two K's, but it's not horrible by any means. Kathryn will be after my mom. She was Kathy, that was her full name and obviously Kathy isn't really a suitable middle name but by spelling Kathryn with a Y, it's like my mom's name is "in it". My favorite name in the whole world is Emily. I just think it's so classic and beautiful. I know it's supposedly pretty popular, but I haven't met a lot of baby Emily's and it's just one of those names that will never go out of style, unlike some of the super trendy names that are popular right now. But, maybe if we have two girls someday. I've come to the conclusion that MH loves the name Kayla more than I dislike it, so Kayla it is.
I think we will hold off on telling our names to most people until the baby is born. When it's not yet attached to a person, people seem to think they have the green light to criticize a name. We'll tell our close friends and family of course, but strangers and co-workers can wait.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Betas-3 wks 4 days
I got the results from my first betas today, 54! The nurse said for this early on, it's pretty good. I'd say it's probably better than pretty good seeing as how they seem to think I am 13DPO rather than 11. So since I am not as far along as they think, I'm even more excited. My progesterone is 12.7 and she said anything over 10 is considered good.
Nonetheless, my doctor wants me to start progesterone suppositories since I have a history of loss. I love that she is being so proactive. So I go back on Tuesday for my second beta. I know I am going to be a nervous wreck all day waiting for that phone call to hear if they have doubled like they should. I feel good about this though, it's different from last time. Sure I still get nervous when I have a bad cramp, or when I go to the bathroom, bracing myself to see blood. But I don't feel nearly as neurotic this time. I think it would be impossible to erase all fear and uncertainty.
This nurse was really nice though, unlike nurse dumb dumb. She went over all of the things I should be doing and should not be doing. She said I can take tylenol for any pain, and that it's common to have cramping as though my period is about to start. When she said that I wanted to jump through the phone and hug her. In the last two days I've heard from several women that they had AF-like cramps for anywhere from 5 to 9 weeks and it's perfectly normal. This of course makes me feel so much better, but to hear it from a nurse really drives it home.
I guess it's just my uterus stretching and thickening. More than likely there was no correlation between my cramping last time and the MC. Or maybe there was, but cramping can also exist absolutely independent of there being anything wrong. Nevertheless, I will be happy when they subside. Or at least stop being bad enough to make me run to the bathroom and pray. I don't mind how they feel right now...just kind of a heavy, dull ache feeling. But it's the more intense, localized cramp that scares the hell out of me.
So the fatigue has really been setting in. It's such a different kind than I have ever felt before. It's like when it hits me, I am in a medicine induced fog, the kind of sleepy you feel after you've just taken a good painkiller and you drift off into a relaxing sleep. That would be great if it wasn't happening at work. When I got home from work, I was checking facebook and trying to decide what I wanted for dinner. I closed my eyes for two seconds and the next thing I knew it was half an hour later.
Last night I had a wave of nausea. That one confused me though, I'd say it's way too early to seriously be experiencing morning sickness. But it was different from my usual acid reflux nausea. Eh, oh well. If it was it was. I am dying for Sunday to get here so I can tell my best friend the news. She's the only one I know for sure when I am telling her. Everyone else it depends on when we'll be able to see them and work it out to tell them. There is no way I could wait much longer, I keep almost blowing it every time I talk to someone. Ok, getting tired again, time to go lay down.
Nonetheless, my doctor wants me to start progesterone suppositories since I have a history of loss. I love that she is being so proactive. So I go back on Tuesday for my second beta. I know I am going to be a nervous wreck all day waiting for that phone call to hear if they have doubled like they should. I feel good about this though, it's different from last time. Sure I still get nervous when I have a bad cramp, or when I go to the bathroom, bracing myself to see blood. But I don't feel nearly as neurotic this time. I think it would be impossible to erase all fear and uncertainty.
This nurse was really nice though, unlike nurse dumb dumb. She went over all of the things I should be doing and should not be doing. She said I can take tylenol for any pain, and that it's common to have cramping as though my period is about to start. When she said that I wanted to jump through the phone and hug her. In the last two days I've heard from several women that they had AF-like cramps for anywhere from 5 to 9 weeks and it's perfectly normal. This of course makes me feel so much better, but to hear it from a nurse really drives it home.
I guess it's just my uterus stretching and thickening. More than likely there was no correlation between my cramping last time and the MC. Or maybe there was, but cramping can also exist absolutely independent of there being anything wrong. Nevertheless, I will be happy when they subside. Or at least stop being bad enough to make me run to the bathroom and pray. I don't mind how they feel right now...just kind of a heavy, dull ache feeling. But it's the more intense, localized cramp that scares the hell out of me.
So the fatigue has really been setting in. It's such a different kind than I have ever felt before. It's like when it hits me, I am in a medicine induced fog, the kind of sleepy you feel after you've just taken a good painkiller and you drift off into a relaxing sleep. That would be great if it wasn't happening at work. When I got home from work, I was checking facebook and trying to decide what I wanted for dinner. I closed my eyes for two seconds and the next thing I knew it was half an hour later.
Last night I had a wave of nausea. That one confused me though, I'd say it's way too early to seriously be experiencing morning sickness. But it was different from my usual acid reflux nausea. Eh, oh well. If it was it was. I am dying for Sunday to get here so I can tell my best friend the news. She's the only one I know for sure when I am telling her. Everyone else it depends on when we'll be able to see them and work it out to tell them. There is no way I could wait much longer, I keep almost blowing it every time I talk to someone. Ok, getting tired again, time to go lay down.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Pinch me-3 wks 3 days
I must be dreaming. I got my BFP last night! Holy crap, I am in such disbelief. I was going to wait until Sunday, but my temps kept rising. I figured last night was a good time to test, it would be like a practice test to calm my nerves. Or like on Sex and the City, a simu-test. I thought even if I end up KU, an evening, non-FMU at only 9DPO likely wouldn't show anything. So I thought it would be good to test when I am completely expecting a BFN and get it out of my system until Sunday.
So I tested with a dollar store test....I didn't see anything at first, but I was starting to go blind so I made myself wash my face and not look again until I was done. When I did, I thought I saw something but it was so stinkin faint. So I dipped an FRER and while I was waiting for that the line was getting easier to see on the dollar store one. Still super faint, but if I stared at it for a long time I couldn't see it as well, but if I looked away and looked back, I could see it right away.
The FRER was even fainted, I could only see that if I turned it to an angle. Neither line was convincing enough to tell MH yet, so I was set on testing again this morning and telling him tonight. But before I went to bed I checked the test again, I know you're not supposed to but since I already saw lines before the time was up, I figured it couldn't hurt. Both lines were much much easier to see. I was convinced, so I put out the University of Michigan booties for my husband to see on the dining room table, along with a note that said Second Time's a charm?
I went downstairs to see if he was awake and if he was coming to bed soon. He was semi awake, and he said he would be up in a few. So I paced around the house, waiting for him. Finally I decided to go lay down, and maybe I could run out to the kitchen when I heard him coming, but he was too fast for me. He was up the stairs and in the bathroom before I knew it. He came in to the bedroom and it was obvious he walked right by it and didn't see it. So I told him to go back out there, I left him a present on the table. I heard him chuckle and he asked when I got them.
He didn't get all excited and shreiky or cry, but I knew he wouldn't. He's just not that type of guy...I've surprised him with many gifts that I thought would be so exciting that he would love and got a very mediocre response so I am used to it. I know he is happy though, he just shows it in a different way. I think it will hit him more once I start showing or we see a heartbeat or we find out if it's a boy or girl. Right now it's just so abstract to him, he doesn't really feel it. Plus after what happaned last year he is right to be cautious.
So I tested again this morning. I stupidly temped this morning and my temp dipped quite a bit, but it's still well above the coverline. I was looking at BFP charts last night on FF and I saw similar dips and rises, so I shouldn't worry, but I still am. Before I said I would go into this with a positive mind, be happy for the moment and realize that whatever will be will be. Worrying won't change whatever outcome there will be, it will only make me miserable. But I can't help it, it's easier said than done. So it didn't help at all that the line was even harder to see on the dollar store one. But oddly enough, the FRER was easier to see. A faint but very visible line popped up within just a minute of testing.
So I'm going to chalk the dollar store on up to it being so early and maybe this one had less dye. I didn't dare try a digi today, I knew if it's too early I couldn't handle seeing not pregnant. It would be too big of a mind game. I'm going to resist the urge to buy more FRERs on the way home and just test with a dollar store the next few mornings and then use a digi on Sunday. But then it should be late enough to get a positive on that.
I'm trying so hard not to worry, but I am still cramping and it's freaking me out. Occasionally I can feel like a discharge coming out, so with that and the cramping I keep running to the bathroom to check. I know I shouldn't worry about it, but the cramps make me so nervous. It makes perfect sense that I would have cramping, and my cramping last time could have been totally unrelated to my CP. But when you've felt this feeling proceed bleeding for the last 20 years, it's hard to tell yourself that's not going to happen. If the cramps would just go away, or at least lessen I would feel so much better. I feel very positive and happy when I am not cramping, but when I am the worry sets in.
I also worry that if I am too happy, the happy police will come and take it away. I know, completely ridiculous, but it's such a hard thought to get to go away. I told my good friend at work my news....he knows we've been trying for a while and about the CP, so he told me I need to think positive because thinking negatively will only be bad for my body. I know he's right, and I am glad I told him. He made me feel a lot better.
I go for betas tomorrow morning. I am glad they want me to come in right away. The real scary one will be the second beta though to see if they are increasing like they should. The nurse warned me that since it is so early, that my count could be very low tomorrow and to not be concerned. Though she is still sticking to the story that I am 12DPO. I better take my chart in tomorrow, because I don't want them thinking my betas are low for 13DPO when really I will only be 11. She is convinced I Od on CD32 because I had an LH surge on CD31. Ugh, that infuriates me that a nurse at an RE's office would be so ignorant. Even if that were usually true, how can you say point blank, "because you surged on friday then you Od on Saturday'. There is no always and never in TTC. Hell, an RE wouldn't even likely exist if our bodies were that certain. I could see a nurse at an OB's office saying that, but at an RE they should know better.
So I called my dad this morning to see if we can set up a dinner so I can tell him the good news. He works a lot, and it seems like when he isn't working or up north, his girlfriend is working. I really want them both to be there for the good news. So unfortunately it could very well be a few weeks before I am able to tell him. Not sure what to do about my inlaws....I'd like to tell my dad first. I don't know, since he's MY dad, and since this will be his first grandkid I feel like he should be told first. But my inlaws would be so much easier to schedule. They are almost always free so we could either have them over for dinner or we could just surprise them and say "don't cook, we're coming over with dinner and then tell them the good news.
I text my best friend to see if she is available for lunch on Sunday. I am a little uneasy with making all these plans to tell, but I feel like no matter what happens, I want those who are close to me to know either way. So should the worst happen, I want the joy of being able to announce the good news first. So that makes me content with it. I'm hoping my brother and his girlfriend can come over soon so we can tell them. But she is often working or has to go home to go to sleep early. I would prefer to tell the both of them, but if it only works out with just him coming over, I am ok with that too. I just can't wait to see his face when I tell him he's going to be an uncle. Now HE is the kind of guy that will give me a better, excited reaction.
Other than that I think we'll wait till second tri to tell anyone else. If we go up north when I want to next months, I miiiiiight tell my grandma. But it depends, if there are other people around then I won't, but if I can catch her alone then I probably would. I don't think she would be a gossip queen and tell anyone. Plus she should be excited that I am a grandchild who did it "the right way" and got married first. Of all of her grandchildren who have kids, about half of them were born out of wedlock. That would probably upset most grandparents, but she and my grandpa were devout Catholics so it stung even more. But if we don't see her then, I think we'll wait until second tri to tell her.
If I see my aunt and uncle anytime soon I might tell them also. It doesn't really matter if they tell anyone, the only people they would have to tell is my cousins, and I barely ever see them either. With my grandparents gone, I won't have them to relay the information to my aunt and uncle....I don't really see myself making the phone call to tell them, so if I see them in the next month or so I might as well just tell them. I'm so sad that my grandparents aren't here to tell. If they were, I would probably be calling my grandma tonight.
Last but not least, I might tell my aunt and cousin that live in Hawaii. They knew about the last one, and like I said, good or bad I want their support. Ok, I had better get back to work.
So I tested with a dollar store test....I didn't see anything at first, but I was starting to go blind so I made myself wash my face and not look again until I was done. When I did, I thought I saw something but it was so stinkin faint. So I dipped an FRER and while I was waiting for that the line was getting easier to see on the dollar store one. Still super faint, but if I stared at it for a long time I couldn't see it as well, but if I looked away and looked back, I could see it right away.
The FRER was even fainted, I could only see that if I turned it to an angle. Neither line was convincing enough to tell MH yet, so I was set on testing again this morning and telling him tonight. But before I went to bed I checked the test again, I know you're not supposed to but since I already saw lines before the time was up, I figured it couldn't hurt. Both lines were much much easier to see. I was convinced, so I put out the University of Michigan booties for my husband to see on the dining room table, along with a note that said Second Time's a charm?
I went downstairs to see if he was awake and if he was coming to bed soon. He was semi awake, and he said he would be up in a few. So I paced around the house, waiting for him. Finally I decided to go lay down, and maybe I could run out to the kitchen when I heard him coming, but he was too fast for me. He was up the stairs and in the bathroom before I knew it. He came in to the bedroom and it was obvious he walked right by it and didn't see it. So I told him to go back out there, I left him a present on the table. I heard him chuckle and he asked when I got them.
He didn't get all excited and shreiky or cry, but I knew he wouldn't. He's just not that type of guy...I've surprised him with many gifts that I thought would be so exciting that he would love and got a very mediocre response so I am used to it. I know he is happy though, he just shows it in a different way. I think it will hit him more once I start showing or we see a heartbeat or we find out if it's a boy or girl. Right now it's just so abstract to him, he doesn't really feel it. Plus after what happaned last year he is right to be cautious.
So I tested again this morning. I stupidly temped this morning and my temp dipped quite a bit, but it's still well above the coverline. I was looking at BFP charts last night on FF and I saw similar dips and rises, so I shouldn't worry, but I still am. Before I said I would go into this with a positive mind, be happy for the moment and realize that whatever will be will be. Worrying won't change whatever outcome there will be, it will only make me miserable. But I can't help it, it's easier said than done. So it didn't help at all that the line was even harder to see on the dollar store one. But oddly enough, the FRER was easier to see. A faint but very visible line popped up within just a minute of testing.
So I'm going to chalk the dollar store on up to it being so early and maybe this one had less dye. I didn't dare try a digi today, I knew if it's too early I couldn't handle seeing not pregnant. It would be too big of a mind game. I'm going to resist the urge to buy more FRERs on the way home and just test with a dollar store the next few mornings and then use a digi on Sunday. But then it should be late enough to get a positive on that.
I'm trying so hard not to worry, but I am still cramping and it's freaking me out. Occasionally I can feel like a discharge coming out, so with that and the cramping I keep running to the bathroom to check. I know I shouldn't worry about it, but the cramps make me so nervous. It makes perfect sense that I would have cramping, and my cramping last time could have been totally unrelated to my CP. But when you've felt this feeling proceed bleeding for the last 20 years, it's hard to tell yourself that's not going to happen. If the cramps would just go away, or at least lessen I would feel so much better. I feel very positive and happy when I am not cramping, but when I am the worry sets in.
I also worry that if I am too happy, the happy police will come and take it away. I know, completely ridiculous, but it's such a hard thought to get to go away. I told my good friend at work my news....he knows we've been trying for a while and about the CP, so he told me I need to think positive because thinking negatively will only be bad for my body. I know he's right, and I am glad I told him. He made me feel a lot better.
I go for betas tomorrow morning. I am glad they want me to come in right away. The real scary one will be the second beta though to see if they are increasing like they should. The nurse warned me that since it is so early, that my count could be very low tomorrow and to not be concerned. Though she is still sticking to the story that I am 12DPO. I better take my chart in tomorrow, because I don't want them thinking my betas are low for 13DPO when really I will only be 11. She is convinced I Od on CD32 because I had an LH surge on CD31. Ugh, that infuriates me that a nurse at an RE's office would be so ignorant. Even if that were usually true, how can you say point blank, "because you surged on friday then you Od on Saturday'. There is no always and never in TTC. Hell, an RE wouldn't even likely exist if our bodies were that certain. I could see a nurse at an OB's office saying that, but at an RE they should know better.
So I called my dad this morning to see if we can set up a dinner so I can tell him the good news. He works a lot, and it seems like when he isn't working or up north, his girlfriend is working. I really want them both to be there for the good news. So unfortunately it could very well be a few weeks before I am able to tell him. Not sure what to do about my inlaws....I'd like to tell my dad first. I don't know, since he's MY dad, and since this will be his first grandkid I feel like he should be told first. But my inlaws would be so much easier to schedule. They are almost always free so we could either have them over for dinner or we could just surprise them and say "don't cook, we're coming over with dinner and then tell them the good news.
I text my best friend to see if she is available for lunch on Sunday. I am a little uneasy with making all these plans to tell, but I feel like no matter what happens, I want those who are close to me to know either way. So should the worst happen, I want the joy of being able to announce the good news first. So that makes me content with it. I'm hoping my brother and his girlfriend can come over soon so we can tell them. But she is often working or has to go home to go to sleep early. I would prefer to tell the both of them, but if it only works out with just him coming over, I am ok with that too. I just can't wait to see his face when I tell him he's going to be an uncle. Now HE is the kind of guy that will give me a better, excited reaction.
Other than that I think we'll wait till second tri to tell anyone else. If we go up north when I want to next months, I miiiiiight tell my grandma. But it depends, if there are other people around then I won't, but if I can catch her alone then I probably would. I don't think she would be a gossip queen and tell anyone. Plus she should be excited that I am a grandchild who did it "the right way" and got married first. Of all of her grandchildren who have kids, about half of them were born out of wedlock. That would probably upset most grandparents, but she and my grandpa were devout Catholics so it stung even more. But if we don't see her then, I think we'll wait until second tri to tell her.
If I see my aunt and uncle anytime soon I might tell them also. It doesn't really matter if they tell anyone, the only people they would have to tell is my cousins, and I barely ever see them either. With my grandparents gone, I won't have them to relay the information to my aunt and uncle....I don't really see myself making the phone call to tell them, so if I see them in the next month or so I might as well just tell them. I'm so sad that my grandparents aren't here to tell. If they were, I would probably be calling my grandma tonight.
Last but not least, I might tell my aunt and cousin that live in Hawaii. They knew about the last one, and like I said, good or bad I want their support. Ok, I had better get back to work.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
I.want.to.test
I was ok up until about today, but the testing temptation has really set in. Today is 9DPO, so it's early, but not crazy early. I've seen plenty of people get BFPs at 9DPO. But I'm not really worried about testing and getting a BFN this early, I'm more worried about getting a BFP this early.
I know you're never really safe, but I'm really scared to test earlier than when I plan, which is 13DPO. If I were to get a BFP say, tomorrow, I'd be really hesitant to tell MH this early. I mean yeah I could stress to him that it's super early and we need to be cautiously happy until we're much further along but I would still feel really bad about getting his hopes up. However on the flip side, I think I would want to know if I had another CP, especially now that I am seeing an RE. I know they are sadly very common and so many women have had at least 1, and I know they don't really consider it a medical issue until you've had at 3, but you won't know when you've had 3 if you didn't know about the second one. I would want as much information, good and bad, as possible.
My other issue is I really don't want to test on a weekday. MH leaves for work before I even get out of bed, so if I tested and got a BFP I'd have to agonize through the whole day before I could tell him and of course it's kind of crappy to tell anyone else before I tell him. Ugh, decisions decisions. I've decided to bypass testing on Saturday altogether. I know it's silly and supersticious but I got my last BFP on a Saturday (actually two weeks from this Saturday it will be a year since then) so I'm just way too nervous to test on a Saturday again. So I guess if I can hold out I will do it Sunday, but if I absolutely cannot wait, I'll do it Friday and just suffer through the day if it's a BFP and I cannot tell MH until the evening. I guess it could be worse, some women's H's are out of town when they get their BFP and they have to wait days to tell him or anyone else.
My chart is looking good....I had a pretty decent dip on 6DPO, then 7, 8, and 9 have steadily increased in temps, so I am really praying that the dip was an implantation dip and temps will continue to rise. The cramps are still here and sometimes getting worse. In fact earlier I went to the bathroom to make sure I hadn't started, but there was nothing, not even spotting. The cramps makes sense....I mean if I do end up pregnant, the uterus has to undergo a lot of changes. Implantation must cause some cramps and the uterus is probably stretching and going through some other changes. Besides, I've had the cramps since about 1 or 2DPO, that's awfully early for period cramps to set it. Normally when my period is coming the cramps start no earlier than about 2-3 days before it starts so I am hoping the cramps for this long is a good sign.
They just make me so nervous because like I said, last time I had cramps all throughout the week or so before my BFP and they continues until the CP. But I have to remember that you can miscarry by bleeding out of the blue without any cramps, and sometimes it happens with no bleeding or cramping or anything, so I need to try to relax. Whatever will happen will happen...if I am pregnant then I need to enjoy it and if I am not I need to see the victory in just ovulating and hope that it continues (a little earlier would be nice though) each month until I do get pregnant.
I know you're never really safe, but I'm really scared to test earlier than when I plan, which is 13DPO. If I were to get a BFP say, tomorrow, I'd be really hesitant to tell MH this early. I mean yeah I could stress to him that it's super early and we need to be cautiously happy until we're much further along but I would still feel really bad about getting his hopes up. However on the flip side, I think I would want to know if I had another CP, especially now that I am seeing an RE. I know they are sadly very common and so many women have had at least 1, and I know they don't really consider it a medical issue until you've had at 3, but you won't know when you've had 3 if you didn't know about the second one. I would want as much information, good and bad, as possible.
My other issue is I really don't want to test on a weekday. MH leaves for work before I even get out of bed, so if I tested and got a BFP I'd have to agonize through the whole day before I could tell him and of course it's kind of crappy to tell anyone else before I tell him. Ugh, decisions decisions. I've decided to bypass testing on Saturday altogether. I know it's silly and supersticious but I got my last BFP on a Saturday (actually two weeks from this Saturday it will be a year since then) so I'm just way too nervous to test on a Saturday again. So I guess if I can hold out I will do it Sunday, but if I absolutely cannot wait, I'll do it Friday and just suffer through the day if it's a BFP and I cannot tell MH until the evening. I guess it could be worse, some women's H's are out of town when they get their BFP and they have to wait days to tell him or anyone else.
My chart is looking good....I had a pretty decent dip on 6DPO, then 7, 8, and 9 have steadily increased in temps, so I am really praying that the dip was an implantation dip and temps will continue to rise. The cramps are still here and sometimes getting worse. In fact earlier I went to the bathroom to make sure I hadn't started, but there was nothing, not even spotting. The cramps makes sense....I mean if I do end up pregnant, the uterus has to undergo a lot of changes. Implantation must cause some cramps and the uterus is probably stretching and going through some other changes. Besides, I've had the cramps since about 1 or 2DPO, that's awfully early for period cramps to set it. Normally when my period is coming the cramps start no earlier than about 2-3 days before it starts so I am hoping the cramps for this long is a good sign.
They just make me so nervous because like I said, last time I had cramps all throughout the week or so before my BFP and they continues until the CP. But I have to remember that you can miscarry by bleeding out of the blue without any cramps, and sometimes it happens with no bleeding or cramping or anything, so I need to try to relax. Whatever will happen will happen...if I am pregnant then I need to enjoy it and if I am not I need to see the victory in just ovulating and hope that it continues (a little earlier would be nice though) each month until I do get pregnant.
Monday, November 12, 2012
7.3
That's what my progesterone level was at, so I definitely ovulated! I was 99.99% sure that I did, but it's nice to have the bloodwork as confirmation. So now I just have to make it through the next 5 days until I can test. I am trying to keep the attitude that even if it's a BFN, I'll be really excited that I just Od and this hopefully means I will again next month. But damn I really want my BFP.
The phantom symptoms are in full force now. On Saturday I didn't have much of an appetite at all, I barely had anything to eat all day until dinner and even then I wasn't that hungry. Now today I want to eat everything in sight, so of course I'm like hmm, what does that mean? The cramps have been on and off. It's like one day they are so mild I really have to concentrate to even figure out if I am feeling them, but other days like yesterday they are definitely noticeable. In fact yesterday they were strong enough to make me wonder if I would start bleeding, but at 6DPO it was way too early for that.
I don't know what the cramps mean....when I am feeling them they make me nervous. I had cramps for the entire week leading up to my BFP and then in the day or two after they got really bad until I miscarried. So of course any cramping along with my next BFP is going to freak me out. But I also worry when I don't feel them, because I am hoping the cramps mean my little one is getting ready to snuggle down for a nice 9 month nap. I guess we'll see on Sunday.
The phantom symptoms are in full force now. On Saturday I didn't have much of an appetite at all, I barely had anything to eat all day until dinner and even then I wasn't that hungry. Now today I want to eat everything in sight, so of course I'm like hmm, what does that mean? The cramps have been on and off. It's like one day they are so mild I really have to concentrate to even figure out if I am feeling them, but other days like yesterday they are definitely noticeable. In fact yesterday they were strong enough to make me wonder if I would start bleeding, but at 6DPO it was way too early for that.
I don't know what the cramps mean....when I am feeling them they make me nervous. I had cramps for the entire week leading up to my BFP and then in the day or two after they got really bad until I miscarried. So of course any cramping along with my next BFP is going to freak me out. But I also worry when I don't feel them, because I am hoping the cramps mean my little one is getting ready to snuggle down for a nice 9 month nap. I guess we'll see on Sunday.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
We have lift off!
I got crosshairs this morning!!!! I'm so happy, I woke up like a kid on Christmas morning to check my temp. Normally I temp and go right back to sleep and then check the log later to record it. But this morning I checked it, knew automatically that it was high enough for Chs and even got up to enter it info FF. I went back to bed of course, but I think the only thing that would actually keep me out of bed would be a positive HPT.
So with the positive OPKs, the cramping on Monday and the CHs, I think it's pretty safe to say that I definitely did O. But I will still be going in on Monday for bloodwork to confirm. Mostly because I need all the confirmation I can get, but also because I of course want my fertility doctor to be aware that I did O. There are likely instructions I need from there, like when they'll want me to test and come in for betas if positive. I know many women have one miscarriage and go on to have healthy pregnancies, but if there is an issue like low progesterone or something, I'd want to know as soon as possible so maybe something can be done.
The dull, all over cramps are back today. It's just kind of a mild, heavy feeling cramps, like the ones you might get several days away from your period. I am not sure what they might mean...if if I end up not to be pregnant, I'm only 3DPO, so I doubt it would be my period trying to start this early. But I guess stuff is just happening in there so it's going to cause some feelings. Hopefully that stuff was fertilization and getting ready to make its way down the tube to implant in several days.
I've also been very tired....the last few days I have not been able to keep my eyes open at work, especially in the afternoon. Then normally I have to read for a little while before bed so I can fall asleep easier. The last several nights I haven't read at all, I just went right to bed and fell asleep almost as soon as my head hitting the pillow. However this could be attributed to a few things....1. everyone is complaining about time change and how they have been extra tired. I'm not really sure why it would affect things, it was only an hour and we got an extra hour at that, and it was several days ago. But who knows, maybe even the smallest change in time can mess with our internal clocks.
2. I was taking a once-a-week vitamin D pill, that's how powerful they are, you can only take them once a week. You take them for two months and then switch to a daily vitamin. So just switching from the weekly to daily alone might be making me less energized, and I've only been taking one rather than the two I am supposed to take. I'll start taking the second one now, I just thought if I could get away with it, less pills would be nice. I already take more meds than most senior citizens. I take a daily prental, I take 1.5 pills of synthroid, I take 3 pills a day of metformin, two pills a day of fish oil, one pill a day of biotin and the two a day for vitamind D. That's 10.5 pills a day!!! I know they are all necessary, except maybe the biotin, I don't HAVE to take the biotin, but I refuse to go back to thinning hair and breakage so that I can reduce my pill count down to 9.5 pills a day.
3. Just having ovulated could be making me more tired. I am not sure if that is a symptom of ovulation or not, but it makes sense, it's a big change taking place in your body and this is only the second time for sure that I have experienced it since we began TTC so of course it would throw me for a loop. All I know for sure is it definitely isn't a pregnancy symptom because it is way too early for that.
Not sure why this popped in my head, but I came to the decision that I would like our kids to call my dad's girlfriend grammy. In the beginning I was adament about her not having any title at all. Not because I disliked her...I never disliked her as a person but at first I was very uncomfortable with the idea of my dad having a girlfriend. Over time I softened a bit, and realized she will treat our kids as if they were her own flesh and blood grandkids, and to our kids she will be the only grandma on my side that they ever know, so she is definitely deserving of a title. My mom would have been the traditional "grandma' so of course I don't want Brenda to be called that, and I was actually very against her having any grandma sounding title, so I tried coming up with something. I eventually settled on Oma, which means grandma in both Dutch (my heritage) and German (my husband's heritage).
But I've since had another revelation. Like I said, I know she will be an amazing grandma to my kids, and I can keep my mom's memory alive by telling them about her, showing them pictures, taking them to the cemetery, etc. Brenda won't be replacing my mom, she'll just be yet another person to love my kids. How can that be a bad thing? So I am very comfortable now with grammy....it's not grandma, but it's still an honorable title.
Oye, I need to stop obsessing though. Like I said, positive thoughts are good, but already going over every detail of getting a positive test is going a little overboard. I know I will be very dissapointed either way if this cycle is a bust, but deluding myself into an alternate reality is not good. I've just got to try to take it one day at a time, and for right now just look forward to having my bloodwork done on Monday.
I'm wondering, if this cycle is a bust, what we'll do differntly next cycle. I am pretty sure upping my metformin is what made me O, albeit later than I would have liked. I saw my doctor last Tuesday and began taking my increased synthroid dose on Wednesday. So that means I only had 3 days of the increased dose before my body started gearing up to O, so I highly doubt that had any impact. So if this cycle doesn't work out, maybe since I have been on the increased doze of synthroid longer, it will help me not only O again, but O at an earlier time. I would even be happy with CD20-25, but CD34 is a tad late for my impatient butt....but of course very grateful for it at all.
So with the positive OPKs, the cramping on Monday and the CHs, I think it's pretty safe to say that I definitely did O. But I will still be going in on Monday for bloodwork to confirm. Mostly because I need all the confirmation I can get, but also because I of course want my fertility doctor to be aware that I did O. There are likely instructions I need from there, like when they'll want me to test and come in for betas if positive. I know many women have one miscarriage and go on to have healthy pregnancies, but if there is an issue like low progesterone or something, I'd want to know as soon as possible so maybe something can be done.
The dull, all over cramps are back today. It's just kind of a mild, heavy feeling cramps, like the ones you might get several days away from your period. I am not sure what they might mean...if if I end up not to be pregnant, I'm only 3DPO, so I doubt it would be my period trying to start this early. But I guess stuff is just happening in there so it's going to cause some feelings. Hopefully that stuff was fertilization and getting ready to make its way down the tube to implant in several days.
I've also been very tired....the last few days I have not been able to keep my eyes open at work, especially in the afternoon. Then normally I have to read for a little while before bed so I can fall asleep easier. The last several nights I haven't read at all, I just went right to bed and fell asleep almost as soon as my head hitting the pillow. However this could be attributed to a few things....1. everyone is complaining about time change and how they have been extra tired. I'm not really sure why it would affect things, it was only an hour and we got an extra hour at that, and it was several days ago. But who knows, maybe even the smallest change in time can mess with our internal clocks.
2. I was taking a once-a-week vitamin D pill, that's how powerful they are, you can only take them once a week. You take them for two months and then switch to a daily vitamin. So just switching from the weekly to daily alone might be making me less energized, and I've only been taking one rather than the two I am supposed to take. I'll start taking the second one now, I just thought if I could get away with it, less pills would be nice. I already take more meds than most senior citizens. I take a daily prental, I take 1.5 pills of synthroid, I take 3 pills a day of metformin, two pills a day of fish oil, one pill a day of biotin and the two a day for vitamind D. That's 10.5 pills a day!!! I know they are all necessary, except maybe the biotin, I don't HAVE to take the biotin, but I refuse to go back to thinning hair and breakage so that I can reduce my pill count down to 9.5 pills a day.
3. Just having ovulated could be making me more tired. I am not sure if that is a symptom of ovulation or not, but it makes sense, it's a big change taking place in your body and this is only the second time for sure that I have experienced it since we began TTC so of course it would throw me for a loop. All I know for sure is it definitely isn't a pregnancy symptom because it is way too early for that.
Not sure why this popped in my head, but I came to the decision that I would like our kids to call my dad's girlfriend grammy. In the beginning I was adament about her not having any title at all. Not because I disliked her...I never disliked her as a person but at first I was very uncomfortable with the idea of my dad having a girlfriend. Over time I softened a bit, and realized she will treat our kids as if they were her own flesh and blood grandkids, and to our kids she will be the only grandma on my side that they ever know, so she is definitely deserving of a title. My mom would have been the traditional "grandma' so of course I don't want Brenda to be called that, and I was actually very against her having any grandma sounding title, so I tried coming up with something. I eventually settled on Oma, which means grandma in both Dutch (my heritage) and German (my husband's heritage).
But I've since had another revelation. Like I said, I know she will be an amazing grandma to my kids, and I can keep my mom's memory alive by telling them about her, showing them pictures, taking them to the cemetery, etc. Brenda won't be replacing my mom, she'll just be yet another person to love my kids. How can that be a bad thing? So I am very comfortable now with grammy....it's not grandma, but it's still an honorable title.
Oye, I need to stop obsessing though. Like I said, positive thoughts are good, but already going over every detail of getting a positive test is going a little overboard. I know I will be very dissapointed either way if this cycle is a bust, but deluding myself into an alternate reality is not good. I've just got to try to take it one day at a time, and for right now just look forward to having my bloodwork done on Monday.
I'm wondering, if this cycle is a bust, what we'll do differntly next cycle. I am pretty sure upping my metformin is what made me O, albeit later than I would have liked. I saw my doctor last Tuesday and began taking my increased synthroid dose on Wednesday. So that means I only had 3 days of the increased dose before my body started gearing up to O, so I highly doubt that had any impact. So if this cycle doesn't work out, maybe since I have been on the increased doze of synthroid longer, it will help me not only O again, but O at an earlier time. I would even be happy with CD20-25, but CD34 is a tad late for my impatient butt....but of course very grateful for it at all.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Come on crosshairs!
My temp dipped a little today but not a lot. I was pretty bummed, I thought it meant I would not get CHs, but when I got to work I put in a dummy temp for tomorrow and it gives them, saying I Od on Monday which is what I am pretty sure of. Even if my temp isn't high enough tomorrow, having a higher temp on Friday will also give CHs for Monday. So as long as I get CHs in the next day or two, I'm going to call my RE on Friday and see if I can go in on Monday for bloodwork to confirm O, which would be 7DPO..
So since I put in a dummy temp to see CHs today, it gave me the rating of our timing, which said it was good at 2-O and O....could have been better, but I feel pretty good about our timing. It gave the EDD as July 29th, 2013. I know of course most babies aren't born exactly on their EDD, but I think it's cool because that's the anniversary of the day MH and I met.
So I can't stop my mind from spinning and going back and forth. On the one hand I am so hopeful....almost certain that this is our cycle. When I think of testing, I don't hope it's positive, I don't think IF it's positive, I think when it's positive. I feel like everything is meant to be. The fact that we have waited for so long, the fact that I had almost no reason to take an OPK last weekend, the fact that I was this close to getting an rx for provera and wipe this cycle out, the fact that everything is happening within days of when it did last year. I feel like there is no way it was all coincidence that all of this happaned the way it did, so it just has to be that this is our cycle.
Since we began TTC, this is only the second time I can say for certain that I Od (well, assuming I did the other day). I might have Od 3 or 4 other times since I did have some random periods for that first 6 months, but I have no idea when and if I did, or if we had any decent timing at all. So since we basically had good timing (well so-so, it was only once) last year during the only FW I knew I had and got KU, I think that's a pretty good sign, and proof that it could happen again. Plenty of women get pregnant on their very first try, and since it was possible the first time I Od and had good timing, it was essentially our first real try.
But then Mr. Negativity sets in....all I did was possibly ovulate, that's only half the battle. Plenty of women ovulate every single month, and have perfect timing every single month and don't get pregnant for months. So it's not a guarantee and I am just setting myself up for disappointment. But honestly, I'll be hugely disappointed either way. Telling myself over and over that it isn't going to happen this month won't magically make me ok with a BFN. Besides, I am a pretty firm believer of positive thinking....trying to drive negative thoughts into my brain probably isn't good for anything. I can talk myself in and out of thinking this is our cycle all I want, but what it really comes down to is, I feel like this is it. I hope I am right.
So since I put in a dummy temp to see CHs today, it gave me the rating of our timing, which said it was good at 2-O and O....could have been better, but I feel pretty good about our timing. It gave the EDD as July 29th, 2013. I know of course most babies aren't born exactly on their EDD, but I think it's cool because that's the anniversary of the day MH and I met.
So I can't stop my mind from spinning and going back and forth. On the one hand I am so hopeful....almost certain that this is our cycle. When I think of testing, I don't hope it's positive, I don't think IF it's positive, I think when it's positive. I feel like everything is meant to be. The fact that we have waited for so long, the fact that I had almost no reason to take an OPK last weekend, the fact that I was this close to getting an rx for provera and wipe this cycle out, the fact that everything is happening within days of when it did last year. I feel like there is no way it was all coincidence that all of this happaned the way it did, so it just has to be that this is our cycle.
Since we began TTC, this is only the second time I can say for certain that I Od (well, assuming I did the other day). I might have Od 3 or 4 other times since I did have some random periods for that first 6 months, but I have no idea when and if I did, or if we had any decent timing at all. So since we basically had good timing (well so-so, it was only once) last year during the only FW I knew I had and got KU, I think that's a pretty good sign, and proof that it could happen again. Plenty of women get pregnant on their very first try, and since it was possible the first time I Od and had good timing, it was essentially our first real try.
But then Mr. Negativity sets in....all I did was possibly ovulate, that's only half the battle. Plenty of women ovulate every single month, and have perfect timing every single month and don't get pregnant for months. So it's not a guarantee and I am just setting myself up for disappointment. But honestly, I'll be hugely disappointed either way. Telling myself over and over that it isn't going to happen this month won't magically make me ok with a BFN. Besides, I am a pretty firm believer of positive thinking....trying to drive negative thoughts into my brain probably isn't good for anything. I can talk myself in and out of thinking this is our cycle all I want, but what it really comes down to is, I feel like this is it. I hope I am right.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
O, where art thou?
All signs point to me Oing yesterday, so I really really hope that is true. Since last week I had had these AF like cramps that usually only were more intense in the evening, but yesterday it bothered me all day and it was more intense. I also had intermitent sharp pains on my lower right side, those started around 3pm and lasted until I went to bed. I had what I am pretty sure is watery CM and my temp went up today...not a ton, but we'll see over the next few days if I get CHs.
The overall cramping is almost non-existant today, I really have to stop and concentrate to see if I am still feeling them, and the sharp pains are gone. If I Od yesterday then our timing would be O-2, and O. Not amazing, but I feel much better about having gotten last night in, so as much as I would be over the moon to have a BFP, I won't feel as crushed if I get a BFN since we made a pretty good effort for timing.
If I Od yesterday, FF will probably tell me not to test until the day after Thanksgiving. Which is good....despite not wanting to wait a ton of time to tell close family and friends, less than a week would be way too soon for me to feel comfortable tell the whole Thanksgiving table. Besides, it's at my SIL's this year and they are inviting some friends I don't really know as well, so then it definitely wouldn't happen. But if I were to get a BFP and then have to sit through Thanksgiving dinner, I'd be soooo tempted to tell someone.
I am still torn on when to test though....I don't really like the idea of testing on a weekday. MH leaves for work before I even get up, so if I got a BFP I'd have to go the whole day waiting till I get home to tell him. I want him to be the first to know of course, but man, that will be a test of my patience to at least not tell my TTC BFF or TB. But then testing Saturday....I don't know. That will be just one week before I got my BFP last year, so the closeness in all the timing will freak me out a bit. Even though it wouldn't be THE Saturday, just testing on a Saturday at all would make me nervous, let along just one week before last year. I know it's ridiculous but I would be afraid history would repeat itself.
All of the deja vu is kind of making me feel hopeful, but it's scaring me at the same time. On the one hand I feel like it's meant to be that I get a BFP again, to turn the bad into good. But of course it's scaring me because I worry it will all happen again the exact same way. So to recount the similarities, we have the fact that both times I decided out of the complete blue to take an OPK and it was positive....my surge lasted pretty much the same amount of time, FF is showing my FW as being the same days, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday....last year I took Vinny to the vet the day I found out I was KU and I just took him the other day and I will take him again in a few weeks (he doesn't go often which is why it's weird), and I'll potentially be testing the very week before I did last year....
If I were to get a BFP the weekend after Thanksgiving, I would be very tempted to wait until Christmas to announce. Ugh, that seems like such a long time though....I think part of me is in a huge hurry to announce, so that even if the worst were to happen I would at least get to experience the joy of announcing the good news first. The problem is I am not sure if it will even be possible to get my dad and his girlfriend together at the same time before Christmas. My dad works all the time and usually when he is off, she is working. My inlaws will be easy, they are always home in the evening so one night we could just stop over and bring dinner and poof, whip out the good news.
Ok, I'm getting way ahead of myself, first I need to confirm O, then we'll move on to testing and announcing.
The overall cramping is almost non-existant today, I really have to stop and concentrate to see if I am still feeling them, and the sharp pains are gone. If I Od yesterday then our timing would be O-2, and O. Not amazing, but I feel much better about having gotten last night in, so as much as I would be over the moon to have a BFP, I won't feel as crushed if I get a BFN since we made a pretty good effort for timing.
If I Od yesterday, FF will probably tell me not to test until the day after Thanksgiving. Which is good....despite not wanting to wait a ton of time to tell close family and friends, less than a week would be way too soon for me to feel comfortable tell the whole Thanksgiving table. Besides, it's at my SIL's this year and they are inviting some friends I don't really know as well, so then it definitely wouldn't happen. But if I were to get a BFP and then have to sit through Thanksgiving dinner, I'd be soooo tempted to tell someone.
I am still torn on when to test though....I don't really like the idea of testing on a weekday. MH leaves for work before I even get up, so if I got a BFP I'd have to go the whole day waiting till I get home to tell him. I want him to be the first to know of course, but man, that will be a test of my patience to at least not tell my TTC BFF or TB. But then testing Saturday....I don't know. That will be just one week before I got my BFP last year, so the closeness in all the timing will freak me out a bit. Even though it wouldn't be THE Saturday, just testing on a Saturday at all would make me nervous, let along just one week before last year. I know it's ridiculous but I would be afraid history would repeat itself.
All of the deja vu is kind of making me feel hopeful, but it's scaring me at the same time. On the one hand I feel like it's meant to be that I get a BFP again, to turn the bad into good. But of course it's scaring me because I worry it will all happen again the exact same way. So to recount the similarities, we have the fact that both times I decided out of the complete blue to take an OPK and it was positive....my surge lasted pretty much the same amount of time, FF is showing my FW as being the same days, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday....last year I took Vinny to the vet the day I found out I was KU and I just took him the other day and I will take him again in a few weeks (he doesn't go often which is why it's weird), and I'll potentially be testing the very week before I did last year....
If I were to get a BFP the weekend after Thanksgiving, I would be very tempted to wait until Christmas to announce. Ugh, that seems like such a long time though....I think part of me is in a huge hurry to announce, so that even if the worst were to happen I would at least get to experience the joy of announcing the good news first. The problem is I am not sure if it will even be possible to get my dad and his girlfriend together at the same time before Christmas. My dad works all the time and usually when he is off, she is working. My inlaws will be easy, they are always home in the evening so one night we could just stop over and bring dinner and poof, whip out the good news.
Ok, I'm getting way ahead of myself, first I need to confirm O, then we'll move on to testing and announcing.
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